Clay

special prayer needed

2011-11-29T20:23:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note to ask for your kind prayers for Elijah this week. He'll be having surgery in Houston on Friday to relieve some of his muscle tightness (spasticity). This is a non-invasive procedure, and we're so excited to see how it might help Elijah. Thanks for praying!

tiny one

2011-11-11T12:04:00.000-08:00

There is a second, very rapid heartbeat nestled beneath my own! We are so blessed and thankful to announce that we're having another baby, Lord willing, who will be born in May! I am fourteen weeks today.

A little frame on the sill holds our latest ultrasound picture. Joy wells up as things become more and more "real"...yet I still can't grasp that we get to have such a treasure. So, so grateful for this new life.

Thank you, God, for your gifts...all undeserved.

October boys

2011-11-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

The boys are growing up!

I am so, so blessed to get to be their momma. Luke is at such a cute age right now, learning so many new things every day. I just realized that he says "pay" right before meals (to pray) and "min" at the end of the prayer. Today Luke was wiping Elijah's drool with a rag he found - already learning to be a sweet little brother. Elijah is all smiles anytime Luke is near, but he also has to be tough to take some of the stuff Luke dishes out!

Mothers Day 2011

2011-05-08T21:49:00.000-07:00

Me and the two precious gifts God's given to us! So, so thankful for the privilege of being a mom.

Isn't this baby the cutest little person you ever saw? He makes us laugh so much.

Luke turned 8 months old a few days ago! Eight of the sweetest months of my life.

Luke is our boy who is by turns intensely serious and then a little jokester. He always wants to be doing something, have something to eat or put in his mouth or explore. He never just "sits", even for a few seconds! I think he'll be quite the little busy guy once he starts to crawl. We wonder if he might just walk before he crawls, because he loves to stand every chance he gets. He can pull himself from sitting to standing by the couch now. His head is covered with soft, downy fuzz and he has three teeth going on four.

Elijah seems able to communicate a little more now. He kind of responds to being tickled, which he never used to do. A few days ago we took him to the swings at the park, and he laughed out loud. Pretty fun to see him enjoying life so much! He likes having Luke close by, and we usually see a smile on his face if Luke is playing near to him. Elijah just got a new standing device that we've been waiting "forever" for. He seems to enjoy standing up, and I like it because I can have him sit down without having to lift him out. (He can stand up and sit down in the same equipment.)

"Haha, Mom, you're funny, taking pictures of me like that."

A picture post!

2011-03-16T15:18:00.000-07:00

"Thumbs up to us, Mom, don't you think?" (The following pictures are my attempt to play catch-up on the last few months! They are in reverse order, so pictures from March are first and January is at the end.) Warning: lots of pictures!

Don't you love Luke's fuzz?

I love my little buddies!

Luke's t-shirt is a gift from Grandma Warner! Thanks Grandma!

Luke is all boy...no fear to do anything with Daddy!

We spent two weeks in Seattle for Todd to do some engineering training. We were blessed to spend time with Tytus and Cathi and their kids, as well as several good friends. Fun days!

A younger picture of the balance act!

I've been living lots of "life" lately...and haven't done much blogging. I love, love, love this season of my life with baby Luke and Elijah. I'm very busy, and a bit tired, but there is so much raw joy in taking in the moments as they happen. I feel so blessed that the Lord has given us two boys, entirely different in how they will grow up, but both enormous gifts to Todd and I.

The joy and sense of awe we feel watching Luke grow, develop, and interact is intensely heightened by the loss and sorrow we have experienced (and continue to experience). It's as if we are marveling every day at perfectly normal things...the way a prisoner who has seen only gray walls would turn his face to the sun and stare at the color of green grass and blue sky. I don't mean that in a depressing sort of way; we've found beauty and incredible, deep-within joy in the "gray walled" pathways of life, so to speak.

I also see that some of our joy spills over to Elijah. I can tell that it makes him so happy to hear us laughing and that he loves the sounds of his little brother playing and "talking".

Luke is a funny little guy and finds a lot to laugh about. He is quite the little dare-devil already and we can definitely see his sense of humor. He laughs at things like popcorn popping, listening to the sound of himself blowing through a play "tube", and meeting new people who smile at him. He has two teeth, has started eating a few bitefuls of baby food, and tries to rip the spoon out of my hand at every opportunity. :)

6 Years!

2010-12-11T20:50:00.000-08:00

This is us a few days ago, standing on the shore of Lake Superior...crazy place to honeymoon in November,
but that's what we did!

Happy Anniversary, baby! I never would have imagined all the "stuff" we'd live through together six years ago...but there's no one I would rather do life with than you! I'm so thankful to God for you and I love the life we have! You are the BEST MAN.

love these!

2010-12-07T22:07:00.000-08:00

My talented friend Kendra took some photos of Luke for me in the beginning of November. Yikes, these pictures are already a month old! Isn't he adorable? It was unseasonably warm, probably one of our last nice days for the year. Thanks, Kendra!

Luke is SUCH an easy baby - he fell asleep on his blankie while we were taking pictures. Imagine that!

miracles and wondrous things

2010-10-27T14:48:00.000-07:00

I love my baby!!!!
I don't know what I could have ever done to "deserve" him! He is pure, sweet GIFT from GOD! Words fall short to express just how blessed I feel.

Lukas is starting to smile a lot now! That seems like a miracle since we waited more than a year for Elijah's first glimmer of a smile. I can't get enough of Luke in so, so many ways. It seems like I am always amazed at something new that we didn't experience the first time. I am just very thankful for lots of things!!!

I have a baby that falls easily to sleep, and stays asleep. I don't have to measure every milligram of milk he eats, and I'm not working hard and stressed out just to make sure he survives. My baby is not throwing up multiple times a day. I am nursing, and I didn't have to teach my child to suck. I don't spend my hours bouncing on a big ball. My baby looks at me!!!! My baby isn't crying continuously!!!! My baby listens to me talking and smiles!!! This is just a tiny, tiny list of things I'm thankful for, but aren't they wonderful? I'm so grateful!

baby brag pics

2010-10-05T19:20:00.000-07:00

Here's some pictures for the Grandmas! :) We think both of our boys are pretty cute. Sorry, dear bloggie friends, that I haven't written much as of late. Pictures will have to do you for now! Much love.

just lovin' him!!!

2010-09-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

Here are some more pictures to melt your heart. I couldn't be more in love!!!

The days are going by too fast; I was about ready to cry earlier thinking about how Lukas is one week old today. I feel like each day is a treasure that slips through my fingers as the hours go by, irreplaceable and never to return. We've prayed for this baby for years...now he's finally here and I want life to stop for a while!

Sweetness personified!

"Whoa, dude...I think that's my dad!"

Lukas is a very relaxed and happy baby. JOY!!!

he's here!

2010-09-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

We're thrilled to announce the birth of Lukas William! We went to the hospital Friday morning, and Lukas arrived 25 1/2 hours later, 19 of those being "labor". We are so grateful for the prayers of many for this little boy to be born safely! He is healthy and adorable and a huge GIFT from God!

I'm cherishing every minute with my newest little boy. It is so beautiful to be his mommy!

Some of these pictures are sideways...sorry! It's late and I just want to post these and go to bed! :) This is a few hours after birth and following his "bath".

Amazed and excited parents!

Just after birth...he still looks a little scared, don't you think?

Proud papa!

Big brother Elijah thinks his little brother is awesome!

My favorite picture so far!

Thank You, Lord...for two beautiful boys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tomorrow's the day!

2010-09-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

After nine months, it's hard to believe the day's finally here! Todd and I are going to the hospital tomorrow (Friday) at 9am to be induced...so that we can hold our precious little boy in our arms at last!

If the Lord brings us to your mind, will you pray that:
- Our minds will rest on Him so that we can have perfect peace
- God will give the doctors wisdom as they monitor the baby's progress
- I'll transition quickly into labor...and things will happen fast :)
- The baby will be born safely
- That God will help me to not relive the pain of the past too much, but to cherish every moment that I do have at the present.

I am amazed and thankful for the calmness in my heart tonight. We know that whatever lies ahead is already known and in the care of our loving God. I am looking forward to all the "firsts" with this little one, Lord willing, like his first cry...my first glimpse...the moment our eyes meet...holding him...all the things that didn't happen at Elijah's birth. I know that the ache I still feel over losing those moments with Elijah will intensify my gratefulness tomorrow!

Much love, friends. Thanks for your prayers!

Just a week!

2010-08-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

Another heart beats beneath my own...for just one more week, Lord willing! It seems like Friday or Saturday will be the day we're "induced" if this baby hasn't come on his own before then! Just wanted to update you quickly so you could pray and rejoice with us!

Thank you, Lord, for the privilege of carrying this child within.
For the gift of life!
For nine months of anticipation and excitement.
For years of praying and waiting.
For everything you've taught us along the way.
For cribs and blankets and baby shoes and everything tiny and adorable.
For a big brother who will love his little brother.
For children to raise for Your glory!!!
Out of the mouths of babes you bring forth praise.

just the three of us for a little longer...

2010-08-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to savor my last few days with just one little boy! It makes me sad sometimes to realize that Elijah is four and won't be little much longer. As it is, he's more than a handful to hold, especially having much less room on my lap lately! We still get plenty of snuggles in though!

I love, love, love that Elijah's personality is showing up more and more. He will often smile at appropriate times, and if you laugh at something, he'll often join you with a grin. It's a big thing for me that he's beginning to be able to "play", like responding to being tickled or even to just a playful tone in my voice.

Today Elijah, Todd, and I went to the "big city" for Elijah's Botox shots. The poor boy had about twelve needle pokes in his legs. (Botox is to reduce spasticity, but only works for a few months.) As usual, Elijah was a total trooper concerning pain. He didn't start crying until about the 7th or 8th shot. Being his momma, those last four or five pokes lasted an eternity! I would have so gladly taken those shots for him!

We also found out this past week that Elijah will probably need surgery early next spring on his hips. One of his hips has come further out of the socket and will have to be repaired surgically to prevent pain and dislocation. I'm glad it's a few months away, but to think of him having major surgery has me a bit nauseous.

We will trust You, God, to take care of our little boy that we love so much!!!

getting ready...

2010-07-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

I am astonished at how quickly the time is going by - just five weeks until our little boy will join the world, Lord willing! (I am planning to have the baby about a week early, at my doctor's advice...either via induction or c-section.)

It feels like I want everything to be "perfect" in my surroundings as things get closer. I know that's never realistic since we are actually living life and not in a magazine spread, but the pile of papers on my desk right now threatens my sanity, for real!

God has been teaching me the past few days about choosing what is important in life, and sometimes that takes priority over having a perfect house. Sometimes it means leaving dishes in the sink while I chat with my husband in the evenings. If I waited until my kitchen sparkled with order and "perfection", my husband would be asleep, or so groggy conversation would be impossible! Sometimes choosing what's important means playing with Elijah...and not letting my mind wander to the vacuuming or laundry or my grocery list.

I wish those kind of choices came easier for me! I confess, it's so easy to put a higher value on tangible accomplishments than close, connected relationships and having fun with people.

Help me, Lord, to ask You what's important during my days. Life is short...I want to live for what's lasting and eternal and lovely. Thank you for my husband and my little boy (soon to be two little boys)!

two cowboys

2010-07-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

Some friends of ours from church invited us to their place a few days ago, and this was what the Harkins men did! (Pregnant mamas were excluded, unfortunately.) Todd enjoyed getting his feet in the stirrups again, and used his Grandpa's saddle. Elijah had a blast. Too bad we can't keep a horse in the garage of our apartment!

(All the pictures are courtesy of our friends.)

A beautiful evening in Idaho...

Thank you, Lord, for our smiling little boy and his good father...and for friends who let us come and play!

I've finally pressed 'play'!

2010-07-14T22:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry to all who've stopped by only to find the same post for the past two months! It was sort of a bad post to leave you hanging with. I don't think my heart is 'on pause' anymore...in fact, I am relishing delicious feelings about that little baby on the way! I dream about him nearly every night. Perhaps I should clarify that to add that most of the dreams are about forgetting to feed him. Oh well...they make me laugh in the morning, at least!

I've been kept busy with lots of doctor appointments, non-stress-tests, and ultrasounds. In fact, from this week on I'll be having an NST and ultrasound weekly. I am so grateful for the careful approach of my doctors here, and grateful that all looks well.

I'll try to update you a little more faithfully! Here are some pics from the past weeks.

Happiness is swinging in a hammock with a cousin!

Here's Elijah in his temporary 'stander' (borrowed until he gets his own). We like to push it partly outside and hang out on our apartment's patio so he can listen to all the bugs and birds and little kids playing. This was about three weeks ago, and I think my belly has gotten a lot bigger even since then!

Free chairlift day at the local ski hill! This is us in the middle of June, freezing on the mountain. So glad I listened to my husband and didn't wear shorts and flip-flops like I wanted to! :)

my heart is on 'pause'

2010-05-08T21:32:00.000-07:00

I feel like I can't catch up emotionally to my life. I'm dying to "bond" with this new life within me, but somehow I'm afraid that something very painful might happen instead.

I would like very much to pick out my little boy's "coming home from the hospital" clothes, but I can't yet. I'm afraid. I want to start planning the nursery decor for him, choosing bedding and buying a crib, but I can't quite do those things either. To be sure, it is a total joy to feel our baby jumpin' around inside me; to hear the heartbeat, to even think of his sweetness and newborn smell. A gift!!! So my conversations with the Lord go something like this lately:

Is it really happening, Lord? Will this child be healthy? Will he be able to see my face...will he actually respond to my voice? Or will I be faced with another life-altering conversation with a panel of doctors bearing bad news? I really, really can't face that thought; every part of me wants to crumble into a million pieces.

I rest in the fact that you, Lord, are trustworthy. So I will trust you, and not be afraid.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"

We're having a...

2010-04-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

.....little BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He seems to be growing perfectly, is healthy and super active, and has a cute little face! Unfortunately, our small hospital doesn't provide digital ultrasound images, so I can't share them.

Todd and I both had a few tears watching our little son swim around. We don't take for granted hearing the words "everything looks great"! I must confess that I was very surprised to be having another son -- somehow I was SURE this one was a girl! As my sister-in-law said, Eljiah must have been praying for a brother. We are so happy -- thrilled -- to have a boy, though! Just like we would have been thrilled to have a girl.

Thank You, Lord!!!!!!

twenty weeks!

2010-04-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

This picture is from two weeks ago (Easter). I was so happy to find instructions for making the maternity skirt I'm wearing here at See Mommy Sew (who is also a friend I know in real life). Thanks, Kristin!

The hardest part of the skirt was figuring out the pattern. The book "Sew What: Skirts" was recommended for that part, so thanks to the book and Todd, we (ok, I mean mostly Todd!) made a pattern. If I make another, I will use cheaper fabric and make the lined version that the tutorial suggests. (I bought heavier fabric that didn't need to be lined, but it was also quite expensive.)

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It is hard for me to put into words the hope that this little child I'm carrying brings to my heart. JOY is probably the biggest emotion I feel. I look forward to experiencing the sweet days of 'newborn-ness' with our baby...this time without the overwhelming grief, utter exhaustion, and emotional/physical stress that came with Elijah's birth.

I also look forward to little things. Things I used to take for granted before I was blessed with my sweet Elijah boy. The little babbles of a happy baby that slowly turn into words and eventually sentences; the squirms and wiggles that somehow transform into crawling and then walking, running; laughter; expression-filled faces and all the exploration, discovery, and wonder that childhood holds.

My heart could burst thinking of all the fun we'll have (Lord willing)! The joy is delicious and full, but a small piece of me aches still. For all that this unborn baby will do in the world, there is a big brother who will wait for those things until heaven. And a momma who will wait with him.

Lord, You alone hold the world together...give us life and breath...and number our days. I can't help but say a million 'thank-yous' for our precious little baby! And ask You to help me TRUST on the days when all the joy makes earthly limitations and brokenness a little more evident.

PS - Check back in Friday to find out whether we'll be having a GIRL or a BOY!!! The ultrasound is Thursday - yay!

flyin' high

2010-04-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

Todd has started flying again recently. He is trying to get his Flight Instructor certificate current. So we've gotten to go with him a few times. Todd looks quite serious in this picture, and I think it's funny. He's in the co-pilot seat so he can practice "instructor mode"...I was just enjoying the ride in the left seat.

Elijah sits behind us and seems to enjoy himself! It is really pretty amazing how happy he is back there. I'm so glad we can enjoy doing this together as a family!

We love our daddy and husband! :)

my latest find

2010-03-29T08:20:00.000-07:00

I'm sharing this discovery with you because that's what friends do! You've got to get yourself to Walmart (at least ours carries it) and find this chocolate bar -- it is amazing! Luscious German chocolate and butter biscuit...a few squares a day keeps the doctor away! Check this out when you get your next chocolate craving, it is oooh-la-la-yummy.

special times!

2010-03-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

We were blessed with a week-long visit from my younger brother! How fun!!

Here are the three cousins who were together a few weeks ago...Elijah loved seeing them, and so did we!

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Baby news:
I've been feeling the little Harkins bean moving around for a few weeks now! We have an ultrasound scheduled and have decided to find out whether the baby is a girl or boy...I can't wait to find out. And the coolest news is that the baby is due on Labor Day! :)

the truth about me and shopping

2010-03-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

It's warming up, but hats are still nice sometimes!

Elijah and I went to "the big city" together last week for a shopping trip. We haven't attempted that for a long time, maybe even for a year. Our previous attempts have been anything but pleasant!

We've all heard many kids crying in Target, right? When Elijah cries, he also stiffens his body and fights loudly against being in his wheelchair. The embarrassment and frustration of not being able to do anything about it makes me want to run from the store in tears. At the very least, it makes for a harried woman rushing through the store, trying to ignore the glances, throwing necessary items into the cart -- not my definition of "fun"!!!

So I am amazed and very thankful to let you know that we successfully did a shopping trip together, and we even got to have fun! I got to shop for several hours, and Elijah was perfect (at least until we were mostly home). Thank you, Jesus!

On the drive home (nearly an hour) I started thinking about how God has changed my focus somewhat over the past years. I love to shop. I really, really love to shop. However, I haven't done much shopping for nearly four years. And I think I'm glad for that in a way, because I realize that lots and lots of my time has been spent thinking about what I would like to buy, or what clothes I would wear if I didn't have a budget, etc.

I'm sure I haven't seen the last of this issue in my life, but I'm thankful for God's work to change me. I am pretty certain that I would never have chosen to limit and deny myself of something I was so "addicted to"...but thankfully, the Father doesn't want shopping to come between me and Him!

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of an easy, enjoyable shopping trip. Help me remember that You are the reward and joy of life.

our little bean

2010-02-10T12:06:00.000-08:00

Thanks for all your sweet comments and for being excited for us! This baby is such an incredible gift. We've waited so long it's hard to believe it's real this time!

I was walking through Walmart the other day and passed the baby section. Somehow that part of the store has always been a bit painful for me since Elijah's birth. It's a reminder that our lives just didn't 'fit' the norm...we couldn't use half the things there. Swings, strollers, teethers, baby gear -- you name it, none of the fun stuff has worked for the E-man. The one thing I've bought in abundance from the baby section is bibs. Thankfully, the Lord has greatly reduced Elijah's drooling, but before that, I was always on the lookout for bibs for my child who "should" have been long past the bib stage.

Anyway, as I walked past it slowly dawned on me that the baby section might be for us in the near future. "Is it true, Lord? Is it really going to be me shopping for baby stuff?" Such a simple thing was nearly overwhelming. My heart cried out a silent prayer of thankfulness there in the Walmart aisle. God's gift of Elijah three (nearly four, now!) years ago was a gift of goodness, too...but I am thankful now for the chance to experience new life without some of the struggles Elijah had, Lord willing.

Our due date is September 6th! Lest you think to comment on how "hot" I'm going to be this summer, I don't care. I'm sure I'll be hot, but I'm just thinking about how much more simple life is in the summer! Therefore, I am choosing to be thankful that I'll be pregnant during June, July, and August! :)

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We're moving again, but not because we want to! We've found mold on the drywall in the bedrooms of this apartment, so for health reasons we think we should move. This totally was NOT in my plans, but I keep reminding myself that God will provide...and He knew that mold was gonna show up.

Please pray that we'll find a house or apartment that works for Elijah's wheels...Jehovah Jireh!

one of my favorite pictures ever...

2010-01-18T15:26:00.000-08:00

Soak in this sweet picture for a bit! I'm going to give you some time...

Are you sure you spent enough time?

Thirty long months of waiting...praying...hoping.

And now, a tiny heart has begun to beat beneath my own! An incredible, breathtaking, only-God-could-have-done-it GIFT!!!

Thank You, Lord, for this beautiful gift of life!

We're so excited!

Somehow to be given this baby now makes him or her so much more precious for the waiting. Especially when we were told that it wasn't very likely that we would have another child. I just can't tell you how thankful we are!

Wooooooo Hooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas blizzard!

2009-12-26T13:45:00.000-08:00

We are in Montana with Todd's parents for the holidays! On Christmas day the snow came hard and the wind blew all day with below-zero temps. We were very glad that we were not on the road, and could relax in a cozy house with the wood fire burning.

The picture above is the drifts by the house, and the truck that needed to get shoveled out before the plowing could begin!

Here is our lovely Christmas table, set with Todd's mom's "new" inherited apple blossom dishes. Elijah was taking a rare nap for this picture.

You can enjoy our blizzard vicariously, ok?

Here's Elijah, napping next to Grandpa. Must've been a pretty boring book. Poor Elijah is fighting a cold.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T19:05:00.000-08:00

We send our love this Christmas! May you and your family enjoy a blessed time together...and may your thoughts be full of gratefulness for the birth of Christ so long ago.

This picture was taken by accident (it was supposed to be a family picture, but the camera was zoomed in) -- isn't it cute? Merry Christmas to all the little ones!

Heaven-sent child

2009-12-21T11:14:00.000-08:00

I love these pictures of Elijah! His therapist was having him practice sitting without support on her lap, so it was a great time for me to catch a few shots of him having fun.

My heart has just melted in a big puddle all over the keyboard. Isn't he just the SWEETEST???

This is last weekend's sledding party with the youth group. Once again we notice changes from last year when we tried to do the same thing - he was so much happier and able to tolerate the cold for a bit! We're so thankful as we see these changes in Elijah that allow us to live in a more "normal" way, bringing him outside to play even in cold weather. And life is more fun for him, too!

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Many of you know that we would like to have another child. Lately I have been dealing with some grief and fears of never having more babies...and the ache in my heart has been a bit unbearable at times.

I can see, though, that these thoughts should help me to focus, to live purposefully as a mother to one very special boy. Of course I would like to have other children whom I can see grow up, learn to talk, run around, and do all the usual things of childhood. I won't minimize how much I long for and dream of those children. However, I don't want my unfulfilled desires to overshadow the tremendous joy I have today.

I have one precious son whom I love like none other. I have unfailing smiles to look forward to every morning. I have a gentle little soul to nourish and care for. I have small but shining joys in his accomplishments. I have someone who is helpless and dependent, who teaches me how to live before my God. And perhaps best of all, I can creep into my small boy's room at night to watch him sleep. And lean in close for a whiff of his sweetness. I love you, Elijah.

I love You, Father.

Thank you...thank you for all these joys and the reminders of Your goodness.

5 Years!

2009-11-27T21:48:00.000-08:00

Oh baby, has it really been five years? I love you!

a few months history...

2009-11-20T13:35:00.000-08:00

This sweet face greets me every morning! (Look past the unwashed face...we all know that mornings aren't kind!)

None of these pics are in the right order, but I thought you would enjoy them anyway! Here we are last weekend. We found the nicest "mostly-handicapped-accessible" trail, a perfect three mile walk. Thank you, Lord!

A few weeks back, we got to spend the weekend with my sister and brother in law. Here's my sweet sis-in-law, being a good sport about taking a picture even though she didn't feel good due to morning sickness.

My darling niece.

Elijah and his cousin in their matching pjs. Aren't they getting big?

Todd, his brother and the cuties.

My ruggedly handsome husband :) and my boy who doesn't have to shave yet.

This was a music session at our house lately. Doesn't Elijah look like he's about to sing?

Here is Elijah and his cousin from my side of the family. True to form, B has things to do and people to see! We had such a great visit with my family!

My lovely and so grown-up youngest sister.

One of the problems with having a photographer in the family -- I end up leaving Wisconsin without taking many pictures! This is my only picture of my brother who was just married. His sweet and beautiful wife is visiting with my mom at the table behind him.
A highlight from my WI visit - we met my great-aunt and uncle for the first time. I never met my Grandma (on Mom's side), so it was special to meet Grandma's sister and catch a little glimpse of who she was.

Elijah and his adorable newest cousin.

Another beautiful sister and my youngest brother. I must apologize here...I cannot believe how few pictures I've taken of the visit. I'm sorry that just a few people are pictured!

I was privileged to be part of a special bread-baking class that my Grandma (and aunt) did for the youth group girls, along with two close friends of mine. Fun!! See pictures of bread to follow.

We love our friends in Wisconsin! (above and below)

Elijah's eyes

2009-10-21T21:00:00.000-07:00

I've been away...visiting my family and seeing good friends in other parts. I'm thankful for a totally wonderful time, good conversations and the catching up I got to do. You'll probably see some pictures soon.

I don't know which of the three of us was happiest to be reunited after the time apart (Todd came home after my brother's wedding...I got to stay). Missing Todd is like not being able to breathe quite right - life just isn't as good!

One of the things we've done since coming home was take Elijah to a pediatric eye doctor. This was the first time since his initial visit at about three months old. At that time, the doctor told us that his optic nerve was intact and healthy, but that his damaged brain couldn't interpret the info from the eyes. His opinion was that Elijah couldn't see a thing. We knew that Elijah WAS seeing at least light and dark, so we decided to hope for the best and perhaps his vision would improve with time.

This week, the doctor told us that his optic nerve doesn't look healthy, most likely as a result of the brain injury. That explains why his pupils don't constrict with light. That was new information for us. Her opinion was that his vision is probably minimal, due to his damaged optic nerve and the damage to the brain itself.

Our mood was a bit sad when we left the doctor's office. We've known for a long time that Elijah's vision wasn't normal, but we haven't known the extent of it. Todd stopped to look out at a huge picture window on the fifth floor of the hospital. His voice cracked when he said 'i've always loved telling Elijah to look at different things...the train, the lake, the dog.'

I have realized before that this journey we're on is going to have multiple places of grief along the way. Ache, hurt, pain...not new here. I want to ask, Lord, why can't he at least see? I mean, how hard is that for you?

I have to rest again on the soft pillow of God's sovereignty...He knows, He cares, He loves, He will come for us - soon. And Elijah might see God's face as His very first sight, when He comes for His kids. I think that might just possibly be worth the wait!

North! Or Be Eaten

2009-09-14T18:02:00.000-07:00

It's time!

I am excited to review for you here Andrew Peterson's latest book, North! Or Be Eaten. In case you're wondering, Andrew Peterson the author is the same guy as Andrew Peterson, the Christian singer-songwriter. I do count Andrew as one of my favorite musicians, and now I am also a fan of his writing!

First, a short summary for you. This is a quote from the publishers:

Janner, Tink, and Leeli Igiby thought they were normal children with normal lives and a normal past. But now they know they’re really the Lost Jewels of Anniera, heirs to a legendary kingdom across the sea, and suddenly everyone wants to kill them.

Their escape brings readers to the very brink of Fingap Falls, over the Stony Mountains, and across the Ice Prairies, while villains galore try to stop the Igibys permanently. Fearsome toothy cows and horned hounds return, along with new dangers: a mad man running a fork factory, a den of rockroaches, and majestic talking sea dragons.

Andrew Peterson’s lovable characters create what FantasyBookCritic.com says made Book One “one of the best fantasy novels in a very long time,” and Book Two contains even more thrills, exploring “themes universal in nature, ranging from the classic good versus evil, to the importance of family, and burdens of responsibility.”

You should know that my husband, Todd, and I stayed up way past our bedtimes reading this book together. The further we read, the less we wanted to put it down. We were literally taking turns reading at the table, during household chores, and just before turning out the lights at night!

North! Or Be Eaten is not only suspenseful, it is beautifully written. In fact, I read some sentences twice because they were like reading descriptive poetry.

I kept imagining the author writing this book for his own children (and maybe he did). I wondered if certain dimensions reflected his children's personalities, faults and interests.

Woven throughout the book are lessons about growing up, loyalty, courage, love, and sacrifice. It is not an overtly spiritual or Christian book, but The Maker is mentioned many times, and strength of character is encouraged.

My vocabulary has officially been expanded from reading North! Or Be Eaten - toothy cows, quill diggles, bomnubbles, and snickbuzzards, to name a few of the critters. (By the way, there are some lovely illustrations to help your poor, overtaxed imagination...either that or to give you nightmares.) The first chapter was a bit rough to read because I had to get comfortable with learning a new word every paragraph or so. After that, it was just part of the territory!

A little bit of a disclaimer: if you are wanting to read this book aloud to your children, be aware that some sections are frightening and obviously not meant for a three-year-old's bedtime story (but a ten-year-old would beg you to keep reading!). Todd and I also noticed that stealing and picking pockets could possibly be seen as glamorous survival skills since they were never discussed as otherwise.

We are happy to be getting more sleep now that we're done reading North! Or Be Eaten, but we are already eagerly awaiting the next installment. We could hardly bear to leave Tink as he was at the end of the book. I have also decided that it's a lot of fun to read something not entirely meant for adults! I am looking forward to reading North! Or Be Eaten to my children and grandkids someday. Lord willing, it's going to be on my bookshelf a long, long time.

moments of our life lately...

2009-09-06T15:11:00.000-07:00

These little flowers shine while the last summer days hang on...I don't want you to leave, summer!

A milestone: our first real 'camping' since Elijah's birth! Here is the sleepy boy waking up to a cold north Idaho morning, all cuddled with his daddy. We had so much fun, and the beauty and peacefulness of it all was good for my soul.

I think that we've just discovered our favorite place so far in Idaho. We might have to keep it a secret!

Elijah, wearing his dad's hat.

This picture's for you, Mom and Dad! Elijah says thanks for the GB duds!

This fire look-out could be your very own hideaway in the mountains -- with the world as your view -- for just a few dollars per night. Isn't it lovely? Never mind the fact that it is without electricity or running water. We stopped here on one of our explorations and visited with the friendly folks staying there.

My two handsome men.

Todd's family (aunt, uncle, cousin and family) spent a day with us recently. We loved seeing them and adventuring together!

This is our summer garden...just the row that is directly in the picture. Some kind friends gave us this place to use...and I am loving all the produce! A blessing for us apartment-dwellers!

And finally, I'll leave you with some huckleberries. Picking them is one of our favorite ways to spend time...and eating them ranks right up there, too. :)

new place, new people, new blessings

2009-08-09T22:20:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, it's been a while since I've posted. I guess moving, attempting to start another round of hyperbaric oxygen treatments, and then having a sick child for over a week has adds up to not much time for blogging!

We're now nicely squished into a 2 bedroom apartment. Since most of our stuff is now stored in the apartment's garage, it really doesn't feel too squished...just a little. :)

The blessing of apartment living for us is having lots of people nearby (whoa -- did I really just say that?? Privacy-loving me?). Two little girls have been visiting regularly and Elijah LOVES having them here. Interestingly, their (single) mothers did not step foot inside my home or even talk with me for more than two minutes before sending their girls over to play. Either I look really safe or they were just desperate for a break from their kids!

Todd commented that we should buy some Bible story books to read with these little girls. I, too, see these apartments as a place where we can interact with people who need to know Jesus!

Thanks, Lord...for the little souls You've brought to our family. Help us love them!

On a different note, we plan to start HBOT again tomorrow for Elijah. Lots of driving for us, but a huge blessing to have this treatment available for him. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get to shop a little, too! :) Living in our little town means that we don't get to shop at fun stores like Target and TJ Maxx (two of my faves) very often. So off we go tomorrow!

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Fun news: I'm going to do my very first book review this fall! In September, I'll be reviewing the children's book, "North! Or Be Eaten" by Andrew Peterson. I'm so excited you might think I was just hired to be his publicist. :)

2009-07-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

I am enjoying long walks with my boy these days, soaking in much-beloved sun.

We're moving in the next few days, so I might be signing off for awhile until we get reconnected. We decided on a small apartment (it was actually about the only option).

Love to you all tonight!

a quiet moment...

2009-07-19T22:24:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhh, friends.

Wonderful to have a moment to catch up with you here. I've missed you! We have put 4,000 miles on our Toyota (having fun!) in the last few weeks and while we were gone, our rented house sold.

So now we are packing up for the third time in 6 months, needing to be out of our house in just a few days and still without a really great option for a new place. I told Todd when we got home from vacation that the Lord might take it right down to the wire, but He's never failed us yet. And that wire is lookin' mighty close...a little TOO close to be comfortable for this woman who likes things in order and planned out. Oh well! Exercises and stretches hurt a little (or a lot) sometimes, right?

However, despite the circumstances of moving, I really am still glowing from my visits with friends and family on our road trip. Pictures to follow! On top of everything, we were even blessed with a quick visit yesterday from Todd's brother and his wife.

Thank you, Lord, for precious times with loved people here on this earth.

cousins and birthdays

2009-06-21T19:36:00.000-07:00

We managed to get a group photo while Todd's family was here visiting! I am learning our "new" computer and still have no idea how to use our photo program to crop this pic - sorry. :)

Delightful little girl cousin Addy! They look like they're having the sweetest conversation.

Ahhh, wrapping paper, what fun! These photos were from Elijah's birthday three weeks ago. :)

Along with Elijah's cousins, some of his little and big friends were able to come to his party at the park near our house. Thanks, guys, Elijah loved his party!

aahh, summer!

2009-06-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like life is flying by so fast you can hardly keep up with all the beautiful moments you want to remember always? The past few weeks have been like that for me. Here are a few pictures of our days...not necessarily in order!

I can hardly believe, Lord, that You've blessed me so much. I cherish the gifts of a son and a husband who honors You. Even every breath is a gift from You.

Joy and pain...tapestry of life. Joy to give us little tastes of heaven. Pain to remind us that we're not home yet.

Happy 3rd birthday, little man!

Cousin Bridger is helping try out Elijah's scooter. Thanks, Uncle T and Aunt C, for making his new (birthday) wheels! You are so creative!

Breakfast with everybody...happy, ordinary life! We felt so blessed to have Todd's family helping us celebrate Elijah's b-day.

Our new-found favorite beach at the lake.

Getting ready to dip his toes.

Our little happy family!

Holding a rock and listening to Grandma.

My boy, I love you!

This pose, so "normal" for most kids, is actually a LOT of effort and Elijah can't maintain it for long. We're excited that he's trying, though!

At Grouse Creek with our friends, Rusty and Linda, and their puppy.

This is before the haircut of a few weeks ago. Love those curls!

And now, I am off to make some more memories, hiking with my men. I have more pictures to show you but they'll have to wait! Love to you all from Idaho.

To My Son...

2009-06-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

Three years since you were born, my little son. Three! Seems like both an eternity and a flash.

I celebrate you, my little boy. I am so grateful that I am privileged to be your mother. You've come so far and God has granted us many gifts in your life. I love, love, love that you can smile so much now and even "laugh" on rare occasions.

You are very loved...enjoyed...cherished.

It makes me smile to see how much you love music. There is so much music in your soul, I think. Sometimes you open your mouth like you wish you could sing, and that melts me!

You are a boyish boy, loving excitement and thrills and anything that makes crashing, banging noises! Daddy calls you the adrenaline junkie.

I love my little quiet times with you. I love how you turn your cheek to get kisses and how responsive you are to our voices. You always know when we're in the room.

Thank you for reminding us that life is a vapor and there is much more ahead than can be grasped today in this temporary life. As we loosen our hold on things that do not matter, you remind us to hang on tight to what does.

It doesn't matter what people think. It doesn't matter what our "image" is. It doesn't matter that we aren't the perfect little family I always pictured we would be, or that people probably identify us as "the family with the handicapped kid". I am so thankful for the painful lessons you are helping me through, Elijah...lessons about humility, pride, and basing my self-concept on the right things. (If I were not proud to begin with, it wouldn't hurt so much to learn 'em!)

Your name means, 'Jehovah is God'. The same God who rolled back the Red Sea and sent ravens to bring food, who tumbled the mighty walls of Jericho, who created every living thing from nothing -- this God is your God.

We are thankful for every moment with you. We pray for the "impossible", that you will someday walk and talk...but mostly that you will know you are loved.

Happy Birthday, Bubby!

Love, Mummy

parenting craziness

2009-05-21T21:43:00.000-07:00

Elijah and his parents + three free tickets to our nearest theme park = lots of laughs for all!

This is Elijah and me...guess who is the most scared? That would be me, of course. I know, I know, this is totally a little kid ride!!

Elijah was so cute. Each time we swooped up I felt him give a little shiver of delight -- and this ride caused lots of smiles. Payment enough, I suppose, for my weak knees and shaky stomach. :)

We took Elijah on a rollercoaster! Sorry, we have no pictures. He was only an inch or so shorter than the height minimum...so maybe he wasn't technically supposed to go??

We have always wondered whether Elijah would like rollercoasters. Once we started moving, though, I completely second-guessed myself about whether it was wise to bring Elijah along. I couldn't see his face because he was sitting with Todd, but I was just imagining him being terrified and feeling horrible about it. I am not exaggerating to say that I was praying for the ride to be OVER -- it was so intense and nauseating. I felt like such a terrible mother for taking Elijah!

To my great relief, the rollercoaster finally ended. The look on my little boy's face when we climbed out? It was something like: "I'm not sure what just happened, but THAT WAS SOOOOO COOL!!!"

What a funny little boy. I guess we weren't totally surprised since Elijah usually likes things that other kids think are scarey. Here we are several minutes after the big ride. Elijah still had the rollercoaster-induced perma-smile and wide eyes, while Todd and I are looking a little green.

I think the funniest part of this story is that Elijah was so wound up he hardly slept that night. It must have been really, really exciting.

Yay for fun times as a family! We have just recently been able to enjoy getting out and doing things together. So many of our "outings" in the past haven't been very fun because of Elijah's crabbiness. We are very thankful that he seems able to enjoy life a little more and able to tolerate quite a lot - even rollercoasters.

Praising You, Jesus, for helping us endure hard times and blessing us with fun ones...

2009-05-10T21:22:00.000-07:00

We loved having Grandma visit!

Doing so much better on his tummy! We're very thankful for all the good things God's done in Elijah's life.
The long-awaited picture of the hyperbaric chamber that sat in our garage for a month. Todd was giving me a break on this day, but normally it was me, my Mom, and Elijah. Mom and Elijah wore a mask or a hood to receive 100% oxygen while inside the pressurized chamber.

We are happy to say that we're all finished with HBOT for now, and that we can again see some definite improvements in Elijah. His overall demeanor has again improved (even more happy -- and lots of smiles all day long, as opposed to mostly when he gets up from sleeping). Also we are seeing some good things regarding his vision. He is attempting to make eye contact on a frequent basis and occasionally we're even treated to a smile when he finds us in his field of vision. (If you remember a post from a few months back, seeing that happen ONCE was a miracle!)

Having my Mom here was a blessing!! We're so thankful she could come, and Elijah benefited from Grandma time, too. :)
These pictures are a little out of order, but above and below you see Todd's newest project -- managing 9,763 employees. They will soon be producing honey!

His workers came packaged in a little box, all three pounds of 'em, along with their supervisor, the queen. Above you will see Todd shaking them into their new cubicles.
This happened before the picture above, but oh well. Here is Todd brushing some sugar water on the caged bees to calm them down before they get dumped out. Calm bees = happy bee-keeper.
Our beautiful lake and mountains, seen from the sunrise service at the top of the mountain on Easter.

This was Todd's Easter Sunday attire. Yep, we shore dress fancy here in North Idaho.

there's a metal tank in my garage

2009-04-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

Elijah started his 2nd round of hyperbaric oxygen therapy today! The Lord provided for us to bring a mobile oxygen chamber to our home, so YAY for not having to drive 3 hours, forty days in a row! (The first time we did this, Elijah and I commuted to / stayed in Washington, a 90 minute drive away, for forty treatments.)

Please be praying that Elijah's brain function will improve according to what the Lord would have! We're excited about the possibilities.

In other exciting news, my Mom is coming to Idaho in just a few days. She's going to do the therapy with Elijah, too, Lord willing. We hope it will help some of her circulation issues. I am so happy that she's coming!

We'll post some pictures of the contraption in our garage soon...

new home, fun times

2009-03-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

I got a gift this weekend - a surprise gift. My globe-trotting brother stopped by for a quick weekend visit. Awesome!!! It was just what I needed, being so far from family.

I'm so proud of my brother (actually, all of my brothers), and he can make me laugh like none other. Thanks for driving those 8 or so extra hours, Jesse! We loved having you here.
The latest and greatest of Elijah's therapy adventures, playing with soggy rice and oatmeal. :)
We had the privilege of watching one of our friend's daughters for the day. Elijah is a little social bug and loves, loves, loves having another kid around the house.

Elijah's learning that he can play the piano if he kicks his legs so he rolls forward on the ball.

"Here, Elijah, play it like this"

We are all moved into "our" new house, which we will rent until it sells or we buy another house...or whatever else the Lord has planned! God has blessed us beyond explanation with this beautiful house to rent, and we are so thankful! It has already provided us numerous opportunities to give God glory in our conversations with friends and neighbors. Praise Him!

bedtime snuggles with our buddy

2009-03-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures from last night. Apparently Elijah had a little goober on his face, but since I haven't figured out our photoshop program yet, you'll just have to forgive us. :)

The cutest little face in the world!

Elijah's Daddy likes to get wild...it's off to bed with you, Elijah!

Today is moving day for us, so I will probably sign off for a few days. Blessings!

movin' on again

2009-03-11T15:25:00.000-07:00

This week is moving week! We need to let you know that God has provided another AMAZING place for us to live (rent). This time it's a brand-new house with 4 bedrooms and 3 baths. We will be paying the same in rent as for our 600 sq foot house. Isn't that pretty cool of the Lord?

I don't really understand it, but we're just gonna thank the Lord for this blessing and enjoy it. Note: our new house is also on the market. Some friends have jokingly suggested that I keep everything messy and definitely don't bake any cookies during showings. (I actually did bake cookies when the buyers of our current house came through - but not because I was trying to impress them. I just needed some cookies in the house!)

We have lots of room for you all to come visit now, ok? Hint, hint!!

All praise to You, Jesus! May we use this blessing for Your glory.

pray with us?

2009-03-05T22:08:00.000-08:00

Dear friends, near and far;

Maybe you know us well, or maybe you've just met us a few times - or maybe not at all. We've decided it's time to share something with all of you...a little hope, a little unfulfilled dream we carry around. Up until now, this has been kept very private - only our families and some close friends have known. So are you ready?

Here it is: we'd like you to pray with us that God blesses our family with another baby.

We've been praying about this for what feels like forever...

I remember a good cry/conversation I had with God in the shower when Elijah was about three weeks old, asking God for another baby later on. I think that was my heart aching to feel the things I thought I would experience when I had my first child...instead of the grief that threatened to choke the life out of me then. I wouldn't have been able to handle another child then, as God wisely knew!

Sometimes I think, 'Lord, You've already given me a lot of pain. Do I have to deal with this, too??? Will Elijah be our only child?' Then I am reminded of God's goodness, and that He doesn't see things the way I do! What seems to be painful and hard may be the very thing the Father is using to show me His tender love and care. I just can't see it right now, this side of heaven.

We know that lots of you have experienced the pain of wanting but not having children. Some of you have longed for them your entire lives, but God hasn't answered your prayers in the way you thought He would. We know that so many people have felt this pain and have struggled for much longer than we have. We don't have any answers for the "why's", but we do want to trust God, whether he gives us another child or not.

There. You know our secret. Will you pray with us?

"God gives. God takes. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21b)

I should memorize Uhaul's number...

2009-03-03T21:22:00.000-08:00

Here are my two handsome men! I wanted you to see how TALL Elijah is getting. I am a very blessed wife and mom!

Big news: we are moving again, for the second time in less than two months! God blessed us with the opportunity to move to a bigger rental (the house we're in now) a few weeks back. Two days after we moved in, while the boxes were still unpacked, we showed our house to the people who would end up buying it. This house has been on the market for nearly two years, so we find the timing of it all very intriguing, to say the least!

I was so sad when we found out we were moving. I have loved this house and moving here was like a big breath of fresh air - so many things about it are ideal for taking care of Elijah. So, yeah, I'm disappointed. And a little anxious, knowing that we need to be outta' here in less than two weeks and we don't know yet where we're moving TO. But we have seen the Lord work on our behalf too many times to think He's forgotten about us. It does create some anxiety in our hearts, but we know God's going to come through!

Something interesting: I talked to the tenant who just moved into our previous teeny tiny house. She said she had been talking with our "old" landlord about how amazingly coincidental everything was for her to move in. Our "old" landlord, who is also our realtor, told her that 'Todd and Julie have been praying a lot'. So the new tenant asked me to keep her in my prayers about other things, because I 'seemed to have a good connection'. (I told her it was really just that we had a good God.)

When I told Todd about the above conversation, he replied, "Suddenly I don't feel quite so anxious - God's running this show".

So, friends, feel free to watch the show! We'll keep you posted on God's provision for our next house, ok?

adrenaline junkie strikes again

2009-02-22T15:16:00.000-08:00

See this adorable smile? It's caused by the thrill of crashing onto the carpet from the sitting position. Elijah's PT (Traci) is encouraging him in this exciting and risky behaviour...awesome!! :) It was so funny to see the big smile on his face each time after he deliberately made himself tip over.
So cute!!! I bet you can't stop yourself from practically kissing your computer monitor.

P.S. Elijah's hair is a work in progess...unfortunately, he is my only guinea pig in learning how to cut hair (without a clippers, that is). So please excuse me while I'm in training!!

Is there such a thing as 'settled'?

2009-02-13T15:36:00.000-08:00

We are moved into our new 'gift from God' (rented) house...enjoying all the space, carpets to play on, and lots of closets! We also pretty much have an unobstructed view of the mountains from behind our house. I can't wait for summer, when I'll take my cup of tea to the back porch and congratulate God on the beautiful place He's made. :)

I should say 'maybe-' about that cup of tea on the back porch. We keep reminding ourselves that someone could buy this place at any time; in fact, we have had six showings since we moved in. Another reminder that our affairs on this earth are pretty much just temporary -- 'cause we're not HOME yet! So focus, Julie, on the things that aren't temporary...

I need that reminder! This morning we said good-bye to our dear friends, Aaron and Lindsay, whom we know from the NTM training. They are missionaries in Senegal and just returned on furlough. We had a fabulous visit with them, and I am so glad they could come! Lindsay and I spent some time talking about keeping things simple and how not owning a lot of possessions is easier in many ways. (Keep in mind that she will possibly be returning to a mud-brick home, to live more like the Africans do.)

As we talked, I kept thinking about how refreshing it was to hear Lindsay's perspective...and about how easy it is for me to fixate on all the things I want. A different couch, wall decor, dishes that match...blah, blah, blah. Or that cute denim skirt and little cardi I saw in a catalog a few days ago. Did I mention that I really like that dress from Boden, too?

Todd and I have talked many times about our purpose in life and how we don't want to live for things. The enemy's lies are very cleverly disguised, though. I can live simply (as far as my possessions) but not be content.

So help me, Lord, to live for the true riches...and to remember that all things are Yours.

And with all of that said, here are some more pictures of where we now live!

Elijah is in his new room, trying to take a nap (unsuccessfully!) in his new crib. He likes black and white patterns, so I'm trying to combine them with colorful stuff.

Meet Anne! She plays with/cares for Elijah for about two hours on several days during the week. She works for an agency that provides care services but she is also our good friend - one of the first people we met when we moved to Idaho! Elijah loves Anne, too, and even gives her smiles when she comes over.

Hmmm, I have more pictures but blogger isn't working right today. Maybe later?

Moving Day!

2009-01-22T16:10:00.000-08:00

We are SO, SO EXCITED -- we're moving!!!

God's provided a new place for our little family to call home! About a month ago, we were investigating the possiblity of buying a foreclosed-upon home that needed a huge amount of repair. In my humble opinion, we probably would have been better off to burn it and start over! (See above picture -- haha, did you think that was our new house?) In the process of checking this place out, we asked a contractor from our church to take a look at it. (He called it a 'money pit', by the way.)

(The above was the well for the foreclosed-upon home. What would happen if a mouse or small animal were to fall in? I don't want to think about that!)

Then this same contractor called us later on, offering us a beautiful place to rent -- for the same cost as our tiny apartment!!!

Thank you, Lord!

So we are moving this weekend into a gorgeous three-bedroom, two-bath home with a garage and lots of space. It is much more than we would ever have been able to afford to rent or buy in this expensive, resort-type area. So these verses from Colossians 4 are running through my head lately:

"...for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need." (Col. 4: 11b-12)

We thank You, Lord, for providing this new place of "prosperity and abundance" for us, however long it lasts... and help us to learn the secret of contentment, wherever You put us in the future!

SPECT results

2009-01-21T21:14:00.001-08:00

Remember me writing about Elijah's brain scans awhile back? He had one before and after the hyperbaric oxygen therapy to see if there would be a difference between the two.

Well, we just met with Elijah's doctor on Monday to hear about the results. We were disappointed to hear that the printed report said there were "no significant changes". (We had been hoping for something dramatic that would astonish the rest of our doctors!) What does that wording mean, anyway? No changes at all, or just nothing "significant"? Apparently the doctor who ordered the brain scans would like someone else to read them. So Elijah's scans are going to be sent to a person who is very specialized in reading SPECT brain scans. Maybe they will have a different opinion, but maybe not.

Our doctor also informed us that there is very little medical data out there for children with microcephaly (essentially, a small head because of a brain that didn't grow; in Elijah's case due to his severe injury). She said that some of the lack of changes in the brain scan could be due to microcephaly.

In any case, we're happy that we've been able to see improvement in Elijah's day-to-day life, and hopefully our skeptical medical friends will be able to see those changes, too!

Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers as we take each day at a time and trust the Lord for what's best for Elijah!

tractors and whomping kindergarteners

2009-01-16T20:51:00.000-08:00

Here is Elijah, learning about tractors! This one was a present from Great-grandpa W. Thanks, Grandpa!

My (Julie's) Dad has developed a unique talent over the years of parenting 11 children. Elijah's Grandpa K is known to fall asleep at any time and at any place. He is a hard workin' man and needs his sleep! Well, Elijah appears to have inherited the same talent. The day we took this picture, he had skipped his nap (typical) but was just so tired he fell asleep anyway, even with his hands in the cookie tin he was using for a toy. So cute!

(And yes, he is wearing a bib in this picture...leftover from his supper. He is doing really well with eating semi-solid food now!)

P.S. Tonight, Lord willing, we will be discontinuing Elijah's food through the night using the pump. His dietician thinks he is doing great and could "whomp a kindergartener", in her words! Just so the Grandmas can keep track, he is now 36 lbs., and 37.1 inches long. That puts him in the 90-97th percentile for weight, and 50-75th percentile for height.

We are praising Jesus for these things, because we know that often kids like Elijah have trouble gaining weight and growing.

sweetest sound in the world

2009-01-12T12:10:00.000-08:00

If you received our Christmas letter, you know that we have been praying to hear Elijah laugh. Maybe you've joined us in those prayers? Either way, we have some exciting news:

Elijah is now laughing!

You might not recognize it as a laugh...it is just a soft sound like someone exhaling breath a few times...but to us it is the greatest miracle!

A few weeks ago, we discovered that Elijah thinks it is fabulously thrilling to fly high in a blanket being swung between two people. That was the first time we heard his precious laughter. Not only did he laugh, he squealed! It made us really happy to hear those little sounds of communication and to find something that he so obviously loves doing. (Todd now calls him an adrenaline junkie, and if you watch the video below, you'll see why!)

Whenever I get Elijah up in the morning, I make a point of being super excited to see him and giving him lots of kisses and love. Would you believe what happened a few days ago? Melting my heart, he laughed when I kissed him; those little soft sounds of his breath. Does life get any better or sweeter? Not in this world, at least!

And now, for your viewing pleasure, we publish the video below. Todd and his brother, Tytus, are swinging Elijah in a blanket. The funniest thing about this video is probably Tytus laughing, but if you listen close, you'll also hear Elijah squealing at least once! Elijah laughs on here, too, but you can't hear it. And the little "doll" in the corner of the couch is a real baby - Elijah's cousin! Enjoy!

cousin time

2009-01-09T10:19:00.000-08:00

Elijah's cousins (and their mom and dad) were here on New Year's Day! Here is precious little 'A' taking a snooze on the couch, blissfully oblivious to the wild shenanigans going on around her!

Elijah and his older cousin, 'B', got a little sled ride from Todd. Check out all of our snow!! Unfortunately, Elijah didn't like wet snowflakes falling on his face (can't say that I blame him!) so the sled ride lasted about 3 minutes. At least we got pictures, right?

questions from a little heart

2009-01-05T18:37:00.000-08:00

We spent Christmas with friends, some old and some new. It was really an enjoyable day, with lots of children running around and good conversation.

Elijah loves, loves, loves to hear other kids talking and playing. We brought a floor-level chair along for him to sit in so he could be in on the fun.

One little five-year-old girl was especially kind to Elijah (actually all the kids were really sweet). Her mom and I were sitting on the floor in the 'kid room' talking, and this little girl was cuddling in her mom's lap. With a sad look on her face, she asked her mom about Elijah. "Why can't he walk? And why does he have to sit in that chair?"

Blink, blink. Suddenly, I felt about to cry. I guess I didn't want this little girl to think of Elijah as someone to be pitied, so I hid my emotions and launched into my standard "Elijah has a big owie, so that's why he can't walk". But on the inside, the little girl's questions were mirrors of my own.

Why, Lord, why?

Why are the other kids running around tearing up the house, while my little boy can only listen to their rowdy play with a happy look on his face? I don't know. I achingly long for heaven sometimes. I wish I could catch a glimpse, a preview, of what's ahead. Wish I could see my son running through the grass, wild with glee, flinging arms and legs recklessly.

Answers are not something we are promised in this life, at least not answers that always make sense to our human minds. The questions may not go away, but "where He is there is freedom" (paraphrase of 2 Cor. 3:17). And if there are cameras in heaven, you can believe I'll be snappin' lots of pics of Elijah running around when we get there! :)

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T11:23:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas from the Harkins!

We celebrate the birth of our Saviour, Christ the Lord!

smiles to warm up your heart!

2008-12-24T17:46:00.000-08:00

It may be cold outside, but we have a little boy at our house who brings us joy! Here are a few pictures for you of Elijah enjoying a new activity: "jumping" on the big exercise ball. You can see how much he enjoys it!

It doesn't happen all the time, but occasionally something 'clicks' for Elijah, and he starts to jump for real (i.e. kicking up his own legs). This is where he gets so excited that he wiggles his whole body to the point that it's hard to hold onto him! We have even heard him SQUEAL!!

Here Elijah is supervising the cookie-baking process. Notice he is also guarding the chocolate chips. Todd and Elijah did a good job, because the cookies turned out great! (Don't I have a fabulous husband?)

Christmas cheer

2008-12-12T15:55:00.000-08:00

I have to confess that since we moved to Idaho, I haven't done much "interior design". Our house is tiny, and on top of that we are renting. Originally we only planned to be in this place six months, and I didn't want to spend very much on furniture or decor if we were moving in half a year. (We owned a bed and one chair when we moved here! We did break down enough to buy a couch.)

Well, we've been here eight months now...and when I started putting little Christmas touches here and there, I realized that it is just the small things that make a place feel like home. It doesn't need to take a huge chunk of cash to make it cute. It also doesn't have to look like "Pottery Barn".

Some kind friends from church let us cut some evergreens from their property, and with all of that fabulous stuff to work with, I got creative...

This is in the corner of my kitchen. I don't know what the red berries are, but I risked life and limb to get them last Saturday when we were driving in the mountains. Just ask my husband...

You are looking at about half of our living room! I love the way the greenery looks on the windowsills. See the snow falling peacefully outside? The bow-on-the-pillow idea I got from my my friend Shilo's post.

This is Elijah, all cozy on the couch, and all smiles because he just got out of bed.

Here's a picture from last weekend's drive in the back country (home of the red berries).

This is what happens when a small boy decides to skip his nap. Some things just can't be avoided...

P.S. Todd is not nearly as grumpy as he looks!

trekkin' it to the hospital

2008-12-08T20:18:00.000-08:00

Today Elijah had his second and hopefully final SPECT scan. This is so we can compare the blood-flow and activity in his brain before and after hyperbaric oxygen therapy. We'll let you know in a few weeks about the results.

Happily, we both kept noticing today that things didn't seem as stressful as they had three months ago for the first scan. (Thank you, Lord!) Elijah was very happy on the way to the hospital even with an empty stomach. Then he responded almost immediately to the oral medication they sedated him with. Last time, he cried and fought sleep for probably 30 minutes. Today he was asleep within 5 -- and SOUND asleep. We were laughing at how fast he went!

The other thing that has a big impact on how much stress we feel is our attitude - whether we keep a sense of humor especially! I am thankful that God helped us in so many ways today just to relax. We even had an awesome conversation with the recovery nurse about the Lord.

Praising you, Jesus, for all your blessings...for giving us a great day in a place we would rather not be. All for Your glory!

done, done, done!!

2008-12-04T22:24:00.001-08:00

Elijah and I are finally home after our two-month odyssey. No more traveling, no more living out of a suitcase, no more being separated from my husband! Elijah's 40 hyperbaric oxygen treatments are DONE! It was a terrific feeling to step out of the chamber the last time and think "I don't have to come back here tomorrow".

We're so thankful for the opportunity we had to do this therapy, and we continue to see new (good) things changing for Elijah. I am really happy that his muscles seem to be less tight, and that makes standing and stretching more comfortable. For example, before HBOT, Elijah seemed to equate being in his stander (a device that holds him in an upright position) with torture! Today he spent 15-20 minutes standing without any fussing at all.

I am also so, so excited that Elijah's drooling has nearly stopped! He literally owns a small drawerful of bibs, and before HBOT I probably changed his his soaking-wet bib 5-8 times a day. He hasn't worn a bib for days now (although he drools a tiny bit here and there still). I would really like to take all of those bibs from the drawer, cut them into small pieces and then throw them in the trash with a celebratory whoop, but I convinced myself to wait. I might need them while Elijah learns to handle food.

Another great thing we're noticing is that Elijah's vision seems to be improving; at the very least, he is making more of an attempt to locate us, and seems to be focusing more. Praise the Lord for all of these wonderful improvements!

Yesterday was the last treatment, so today I spent cleaning and unpacking. I am so glad to be...home.

FOUR...

2008-11-29T19:11:00.000-08:00

...YEARS!!!

Dear Todd,

I didn't know when I married you all that life would hold (and of course, 'life' has only been four years!), but I do know that you are the best earthly gift God's ever given me. Thanks for pulling me up out of the ditches I get stuck in to see the view - for making me laugh. Thanks for persevering with faithful, commitment-based love during the hard times and for teaching me to do this, too. I'm so grateful for you...I love you and think you are the best!!!

Love, Julie

an acre of land and a mile of heartbreak

2008-11-25T22:19:00.000-08:00

Looking for a little piece of land to buy, we pulled into her driveway last Sunday. An acre of land contained an ancient mobile home squatting near the road. Two small children, a girl and a boy, were playing outside and clad in all their winter gear. She came too, when she saw us, carrying a little boy with chicken-pox scabs on his face.

Yes, she was selling. She liked the place, but things hadn't worked out with...'their dad', she said, gesturing to the little girl and boy. Ahhh.

We walked around with them for a bit, trying not to step in the leftovers from the donkey they had just given away. She explained how they drank the (filtered) water from the creek running through, and I looked again at those donkey apples and swallowed.

We had come there straight from church in our "nice" clothes. I noticed the little girl looking at my dress. I wished fiercely that I had worn my raggiest jeans and dirtiest tennis shoes.

Where will you go, we asked, when you sell this place? Oh, she wasn't sure yet, she answered, but maybe back to Oregon to be closer to her mom. And the little children just stood there, their sad, serious faces looking up at us. I could see past her front of confidence to the utter forlorn-ness of this woman and her children, and I wanted to cry.

...

"Thank you, baby, for not leaving me." I whisper the words. It is hours later, and I'm sure I don't make sense. "Thank you for being committed to me." Understanding, and both of us thinking about the little family from earlier, I am wrapped in a strong armed hug. In that hug, I breathe a silent prayer of gratefulness.

Thank you, thank you, Lord...that I am not alone today.

...

please pray that we will faithfully use this 'connection' as an opportunity to share the message of Jesus Christ with this woman - we know He has hope, peace, and joy to give her!

a new life!

2008-11-12T21:56:00.000-08:00

This is our beautiful new niece who was all of a few hours old. She was born this past weekend, and we got to meet her while she was 'still new'! We drove to the Seattle area and back in one day - whew - but we would do it again in a heartbeat. There was something so incredibly special about meeting our niece the day she was born. Such a miracle, such a celebration, such a gift!

Seeing her also brought back a lot of memories of Elijah. As Todd said, sometimes we don't realize how much we missed, but holding her made the things we did miss all the more evident.

...

I never held my own child the day he was born. I saw him only twice for just a few moments. I will never forget the first glimpse, because he was limp and purple and dangling like a ragdoll from the doctor's hands. Then he was whisked away and surrounded by scrub-wearing strangers.

The second time I was still in my blood-stained gown and barely able to walk. Somehow I made it to the nursery so I could meet him. There he was, not quite cleaned up, wires all over and hooked up to a respirator. His eyes were closed and he looked very, very sick. He didn't move, except for something that the nurse said was a seizure. However, one little eye opened for a second when he heard his mommy. Todd and I were weeping and trying to sing 'Jesus Loves Me' when the helicopter people came to take him.

In the following days, I could only lean over the clear plastic bed where he lay in the NICU and sob, breathing in his newborn smell. I thought I would be crying for the rest of my life, especially after the doctors told us our child would probably never walk or talk.

Those were some of the memories that came flooding back this weekend. I had a hard time writing them down. I guess some things will always be pretty raw. Pain is somehow beautiful, you know? As much as God has taught me because of Elijah -- and knowing that he is one of the greatest blessings of my life -- I never want to lose the memory of how much those days hurt. Not that I want to dwell or live in a perpetual state of grief, but I want to remember the brokenness.

Sounds like something only a crazy person would write, but I will always be grateful for the intensity of that pain, because it has changed me. It's taken me deeper into Jesus Christ. I know His beauty, I know His comfort. I know a strength that goes beyond the limits of human endurance -- not my own, but God's. And because of that I am looking forward to seeing Him whenever He gets here, or I go there. I'll be runnin' to meet my God...

Come soon, Lord Jesus!

...

Grandma and 2/3rds of her grandkids!

Two sweeter faces could not be found...we praise you, God, for this new baby girl!

then there were three...

2008-11-05T22:36:00.000-08:00

Here are some recent pictures that Todd's mom took on a Sunday afternoon...there were probably at least 30 pictures and this is the only one I like! We did have a blast laughing, though. If you know my hilarious husband, you can appreciate that.

I love, love, love that Elijah is looking at the camera in this shot! Pretty unusual, so I guess Grandma must have done a good job on the 'crazy grandma antics' as she clicked the shutter!

Me and my boy...

The men of the household! Elijah seems to be developing an Elvis-smile...I think that little crooked smile is adorable (on Elijah, at least)!

-------------------------------------------------------

Thought we'd fill you on Elijah's therapy: today we finished #23 of 40. So we are past the half-way point, where the doctor said we would probably start seeing some changes. We are seeing good things so far, but it is too early to know whether they're here to stay!

So far, Elijah:
- is drooling less
- is having fewer seizures
- has more "happy times"
- was happy in his car seat for 90 minutes (a first in his life)
- seems more alert
- seems to be 'tracking' more with his eyes

"I'm praising you, Lord, for these GIFTS!"

a smile from my son...

2008-11-02T19:58:00.000-08:00

We have it down to a routine, these past few weeks...

Drive to the hyperbaric clinic, take Elijah out of the car and put him in his chair. Wheel inside and head for the dressing room. Change clothes, change diaper, give Elijah a snack through his g-tube. 'Hurry, have him ready to go by 11:30.'

Then one day last week, in the midst of all the hurry and preparation, I stopped everything. Because there on the changing table, my little boy looked at me. Not just in my direction but eye to eye. That alone was miracle enough, but then...

he smiled at me.

Tears spilled while I talked to my son, drinking in that precious moment, holding his eyes as long as it lasted.

more cider-pressing pics

2008-10-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

We had so much fun pressing cider, we had to post a few more pictures.

These are some of our friends from church - they were kind enough to let us use their cider press. First you put apples in the hopper and turn the crank...

Next, you turn a threaded press which squeezes out the final drops of juice.

Then you filter the cider and pour into a jug!

Everyone has fun -- even watching cider-making! (Todd actually did a large share of the work...he did not "watch" the whole time, of course!)

But most of all, we like how cider tastes.

a little photo journaling

2008-10-24T15:03:00.000-07:00

Pictures from last weekend's cider pressing...

Elijah wasn't very happy to sit in his chair alone, so we watched the cider pressers together from the sideline and took pictures!

Todd's hands...more cider pictures to come!

This is Elijah's "cousin", who surprised us with a visit last night!

Elijah's little friend was so sweet, talking to him and putting toys all around him. :) She came for a visit with her mom and little bro', just to keep us company here.

I'm playing catch-up with this picture. This is Elijah and his cousin, B., enjoying time a few weeks ago near Seattle. I think the little boys are so cute together, one without a shirt and one without pants. (They just got up.)

This is a very, very sleepy Elijah getting his SPECT scan done three weeks ago.

I wish Elijah looked happier on this picture, but here he is with the bubble he wears during the hyperbaric oxygen therapy (without the air tubes attached). I think he was trying to say that he had had enough bubble-wearing for one day!!

This is a worn-out little guy in front of the hyperbaric oxygen chamber. It's huge!

------------------------------------------------------------

"Ahhhhhh..." -- that's how I felt when Todd's Mom arrived a few days ago to help us. Taking care of Elijah alone is not easy, and I can feel the extra lifting and carrying (without Todd to help) in my bones. I am so relieved now that Mom Harkins is here!

Thank you, Lord, for sending help now...
just like You have so many times in the past
when I felt like I couldn't go on.

We finished hyperbaric oxygen treatment #14! Just 26 to go. Whether or not this is a benefit from the hbot, I can't say, but we do have a big praise: Elijah went to sleep for his nap today WITHOUT CRYING! I'm not sure if that has ever happened in his entire life.

It's Friday, and we have decided to stay in our borrowed house for the weekend. Todd is coming in a few hours - yay!! Hmmm, I just realized that we'll have a free babysitter for the next few days and we're close to a "big" city...I think we should take advantage of this!!

a book and fresh apple cider!

2008-10-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

I'm having computer/camera problems, so haven't been able to post a picture of Elijah wearing his 'bubble' in the oxygen chamber yet - sorry!

I am once again relishing my weekend 'home' (where is home, anyway?)...and especially my husband!! A few weeks ago we started reading a book to each other in the evenings. We don't have TV, but even without that distraction we found we needed something to draw us close and help us talk. I highly recommend it! Right now we're reading "The Most Important Place on Earth" by Robert Wolgemuth. It describes "what a Christian home looks like and how to build one", and it is chock-full of practical ideas.

I love not only the book but also being snuggled up to my husband on the couch while Elijah is trying to fall asleep (i.e. crying in the next room!). I suppose we are learning about the 'intentionality' that is so needed to stay close in marriage. Without a goal (reading together), it would be easy to fall into the habit of doing our own thing in the evenings.

Todd is in the backyard, loading apples into the pickup truck. A friend of ours from church is going to help us make apple cider tonight...I can't wait for a nice cold glass of fresh-pressed cider!

Elijah has gotten a little cold over the weekend, so please pray that he'll be able to continue on Monday with his therapy if that's what the Lord would have. He has seemed a little happier lately, and we are thankful for that! He is also getting used to being in the oxygen chamber and didn't cry much the last few days. So far we are 9 (treatments) down, and 31 to go! We are so grateful for the opportunity Elijah has to do this therapy, and that our doctors here seem to be behind us (or openly supportive).

apples...astronauts

2008-10-11T19:54:00.000-07:00

Perfect reds and yellows all gathered into bags and boxes...

Today we were given bags and bags of lovely apples by a complete stranger! Recently, Todd had stopped at a nearby farm to ask permission to hunt. The elderly lady of the place did not permit hunters, but said we were welcome to have some apples instead. So, today we brought a few buckets and a box to her farm, and she not only loaded those full but insisted we take more.

I just learned about another family's tradition to have a 'gratefulness box' where they wrote on slips of paper about little or big gifts to thank the Lord for. On Thanksgiving, the box was opened and the gifts were all read aloud. I want to start that tradition in our little family...

'Thank you, Lord for the beautiful apples'!

-----------------------------------------------------

It has been GREAT to be home for the weekend! I am trying not to think about the fact that I will be leaving again on Monday. Maybe I'll drive home on Wednesday just for the night, so I don't have to stay away the entire week.

Elijah's treatments are going well - we have done four so far. He wears a little bubble over his head in the oxygen chamber and looks like a very short astronaut. He doesn't really like wearing his bubble, i.e. he cries for a large part of the 90 minutes we're in the chamber. The doctor told us that we probably will not see any effects until we complete at least twenty treatments.

Father, You are sovereign, and YOU decide the outcome of each life, and whether it seem good or bad to us...you can be trusted.

2 down, 38 to go...

2008-10-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

We have begun! Elijah had his SPECT scan on Monday, and we were successful in doing the scan without having to use general anesthetic (for which I am thankful).

On Tuesday, things were good to go with our paperwork and Elijah started his hyperbaric oxygen therapy! He goes once a day, five times per week, and we will be doing this for the next eight weeks (a total of 40 treatments). The clinic is 90 minutes from our house, but some kind friends have given Elijah and I a place to stay during the weekdays. We'll go home on weekends. Please pray that God will give us grace to be apart as a family, and that Elijah will show GREAT improvement over the next few weeks.

another try!

2008-10-05T14:42:00.000-07:00

Monday (October 6) is the new date for Elijah's SPECT scan! We are hoping that all the paperwork will have cleared and Elijah will also be able to start Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy on Monday or Tuesday as well. We are excited and thankful for this opportunity...and are asking the Lord to use this to do great things in Elijah's life.

We are praying for the small (yet huge) things to improve as a result of HBOT, like his sleep habits, his reflux issues, and the irritability that we have dealt with for most of the past two and a half years. We don't write much about Elijah's fussiness here, and most of the pictures you see are of a happy little boy. Elijah has improved from being a baby who cried constantly to a little guy that IS very content and "smilie" (when he wakes up in the morning or right after a nap)...and those times absolutely melt us!! They help make up for the rest of the day when he is crying and wanting to be held.

So, so many times I fight the urge to not compare our lives with what they would be like were Elijah 'normal'. Most of the comparisons I'm tempted to make don't just involve what Elijah would be doing, but how much more peaceful life would be if Elijah wouldn't cry the entire time he's in his carseat, or scream while grocery-shopping with me, or have to cry hours just to fall asleep -- at least not on an every-day basis.

So, while I am very thankful for all the progress Elijah has made, it just feels like we have been operating under a lot of stress as a family for a long time. We can keep going, and we will...because the Lord is our strength, and He gives times of incredible JOY despite hard circumstances! However, it would THRILL us to no end if Elijah could make some improvements that would make taking care of him easier for his Mommy and Daddy!

We don't want to limit God to the "small" improvements, though. We know it's way beyond unlikely -- more like impossible -- but we are praying that Elijah will be able to walk and talk someday. Nothing is too hard for God. Maybe the Lord will use the hyperbaric oxygen therapy to accomplish those things. Maybe not, and maybe He won't ever choose to. Whatever the case, we are so thankful for our little boy, for the God we serve, and for the prayers of His people.

no SPECT scan

2008-09-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

Thursday morning (yesterday), Elijah woke up with a cold. He is rarely sick. Todd and I both immediately thought that "God is preventing this SPECT scan for some reason". (Due to the sedation used, Elijah's congestion would be bad combined with anesthesia.) So, no scan today...and later on, we found out that perhaps some things had been overlooked concerning insurance coverage. For whatever the reason, things have postponed again.

I am frustrated at how long this process is taking for Elijah to get hyperbaric oxygen therapy. We have been working on this for months...and have spent many hours researching, talking to people on the phone, and trying to arrange the details. It is a full-time job to juggle my child's medical care and schedule!! :) I'm not sure how one little boy can be so complicated, but I think I'm going to start calling myself his administrative assistant.

Whenever I start stressing over the time it's taking to get started with HBOT, I feel a little tug inside my heart...the Lord saying, "Rest...it's in My hands". So while I continue to do all possible, the stress is not mine to take. God knows the perfect time for Elijah's brain to receive this therapy.

Elijah's "crawling"!

2008-09-24T15:42:00.000-07:00

Tear-Jerker Alert: You might cry if you watch this!

This is a video of Elijah today in his 'crawligator'...and it's the best he's ever done. An AMAZING gift from our God! You will hear Traci, Elijah's P.T., practically screaming. :)

Thank you, Lord, for these fumbled and imperfect, yet blissfully beautiful movements of hands and feet...

for eyes to see You work...

for allowing me to feel a joy so deep it aches.

Will you thank Him with me? You who have prayed and loved and labored with us for this precious child.

just living life

2008-09-18T15:37:00.000-07:00

Here we are in our raggies after picking huckleberries and then driving to the "top of the mountain", with it's alpine lake. So beautiful, and SO COLD! We finally started a fire to warm up our toes.
This is Mr. Elijah getting a head start on working with shaving cream. His physical therapist, Traci, is always coming up with fun ideas for our little guy, and we love her!

We wanted you to know about two things that are heavy on our hearts.

The first concern is that Elijah has pretty much stopped drinking from a bottle. After literally hundreds (if not thousands) of hours working with him, it would be incredibly discouraging if all that effort seemed to go out the window. In the Philippines, Elijah also stopped eating for a week. Since he didn't have a g-tube then, it meant our only choice was to feed him with an eye-dropper and he ended up dehydrated and in the hospital. Thankfully, we are not under that level of stress now...and we are extra thankful for his life-saving g-tube! We're not sure what's happening, but it would be great if Elijah could continue to eat on his own.

The second thing is a new type of therapy being used for children (and adults) with brain injuries called hyperbaric oxygen therapy. We have this treatment available to us, but because it is not widely medically recognized, Elijah's medicaid probably will not cover this. Elijah will have a SPECT brain scan done next week to document the blood flow that his brain is currently receiving. Then we plan to do the hyperbaric oxygen therapy, followed by another SPECT scan. IF (and that's a big "if") we can document a functional change in Elijah as well as improved oxygen to his brain, perhaps we can convince our insurance or medicaid to cover the cost. However, money isn't the biggest issue to us, although it is a factor. We are mostly just encouraged that there is a tiny gleam of "hope" for kids like Elijah! We have been cautioned so many times not to get our hopes up, and that improvement is not guaranteed. We know, we know...but how can we not try?

Thanks for caring about our little boy. It is yet to be revealed how many gifts have been given to us because of your prayers.

Sending a hug,

Julie

grace

2008-09-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

I see her walking on the street just ahead of our car. I know she sees us. She picks up her pace, leaving her friend behind, disappearing behind the building before we can say 'hello'.

I seethe inside. Just how many times, Lord, have we tried to reach out to this girl? I can't even count. Why, too, am I surprised at the sting? It should come as no surprise. "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." -- John 15:18

My anger reveals what's inside my own heart...bitterness, judgment, and lack of grace. So often, lately, it seems I am confronting those attitudes within. I've also been thinking about how I sometimes greet people I categorize as "different than me". A subtle reserve, a tiny lack of warmth...cleverly hidden, probably not noticeable but to my closest friends and God.

Break my glossed-over pride, Father...make me aware of how great my sin-debt is to you, and how much You love the ones around me. Teach me how to love despite rejection; how to be real and still love like You do.

yeah, we are the yak wrestlers

2008-08-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

This is a family of yaks that our friend owns. One of the calves needed an ear tag, so guess who they asked to help: Todd the cowboy and his Dad. Here is the calf after being lassoed by Todd and about to be taken down and given an earring. The tackling of the calf seemed to be a fun challenge for all the men involved.
Elijah and Grandma (and mommy!) stayed at a safe distance where we couldn't see any blood. Elijah was the typical boy and begged to be let go of so he could get in on the excitement. (Just kidding, but it is fun putting words in his mouth.)

huckleberries and Banff

2008-08-26T13:57:00.000-07:00

Just thought you might like a peek at our delectable breakfasts lately...fresh nectarines and huckleberries that we picked ourselves. Soooo good! Huckleberries are my new favorite food, I think! They are selling in town for close to $50/gallon. I think that the refreshment we gain from picking them off the mountains is reason enough not to buy them! Imagine yourself with huckleberry-stained fingers, gulping in beautiful fresh air while you ravenously gaze at God's majesty all around, tasting these wildly good purple berries as you go -- and I think you get the picture! These two pictures are some of Elijah's expressions when I come to get him in the morning. He is always so happy when he first gets up. It's my favorite time of day with him.

We were so blessed with a quick trip to Banff, Canada just over a week ago. We went to meet up with my brother and his friend who were on their way back from Alaska. We left after Todd finished work, pulled into the campsite about midnight and crashed! Elijah and I slept in the van, and it was our first experience with using Elijah's feeding pump away from electrical outlets. No problems!

'Beauty' does nothing to describe what we saw. I am awed by a God whose creativity knows no limits.
We found a trail that Elijah's chair did pretty well on, at least for a little way. Maybe we're going to have to look into sled dogs for Elijah when we go hiking...

Todd's parents have been here for a few days, so we'll keep you posted on our adventures with them. They are a huge blessing to us!

freedom

2008-08-21T15:27:00.000-07:00

Floating on his back, with eyes big and the tiniest hint of a smile, he kicked his legs and moved his arms with determination. So happy and relaxed. The warm water freed him, no longer a prisoner wanting to wiggle yet held inside a body that doesn't cooperate.

Watching, the therapist whispered, "Oh Julie...it brings tears to my eyes to see him with such pleasure on his face. He is enjoying this so much. It's like he is truly in his body and able to use it."

Grateful hearts for little blessings today, Lord...for seeing my child enjoy his world and be able to move.

playing in the wind and water

2008-08-11T14:10:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we all got to go sailing! Todd has been a crew member this summer on the pretty boat, the Firefly, and they race on Thursday nights. The owner of the boat let Elijah and I come along last Saturday. So peaceful - so beautiful. Nothing but the sounds of the wind in the sails and the water spraying as the boat skimmed through.
"Dad, this life-jacket feels a bit like a strait jacket to me..."

the handsome Harkins men
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Sometimes I feel like I am part of a social experiment labeled: 'How American Culture Responds to the Abnormal and the Handicapped'. Elijah and I went grocery shopping together a few days ago. It was "Fresh Friday", so the store was packed out. No handicapped parking and no shopping carts. (Elijah is in his little chair, so our system is to grab a cart and park it in an aisle, returning when my arms/basket get full so we can deposit the groceries in the cart.)

Since the store was full, I knew I could probably count on lots of strange looks. Thankfully, this was not a day of raw emotions...my 'game face' was on and I was ready. We started our shopping, finally getting a cart, and the mental volleyball began. Ok, there's a strange look coming our way. Right back atcha with a smile, buddy. And so it went, as we ventured through the produce and the dairy aisle.

I feel like God is building a confidence and strength in me through this sweet life with Elijah, and that is all for HIS glory and because of HIS grace. People (myself included) are so bound up in what is physical and what can be seen on the outside. When I feel like we are being pitied, I think, "They don't know what I have. They don't know what an absolute treasure this little boy is." I wish I could shout it from the roof tops that we are not to be pitied, because we are blessed!

Thank you, Father, for Your gifts that take my breath away. Like azure sky filling spaces between tree-lined peaks. Like a little boy with soft brown curls who brings so much joy. Like learning how to really love, to give, to see people with Your eyes.

good times

2008-08-08T14:11:00.000-07:00

The month of July has been PACKED with good times! The next three shots are still from our trip to Montana.

Do you notice the number of cowboy hats there are in this picture? Definitely not your everyday headgear where I come from in Wisconsin.

Elijah and some of his beautiful (girl) and handsome (boy) cousins. All fabulous people.

We took this road heading home to Idaho from Montana. I love this picture! Two ways to tell if a road is NOT on the beaten path: 1) the cows have free range, and 2) there is grass growing between the wheel tracks.

Elijah says, "I just wanna get out of this cage, Mom!"

We were able to go on a bike ride in Idaho with Todd's aunt, uncle, and cousins! They not only lent us gear (including the little trailer) but put up with a multitude of stops checking on the little guy. Our bike ride was sooooo good for me. I was so happy to feel like a "normal person" again. To attempt a day like this would have been out of the question for most of the past two years. Elijah was a trooper, and I was so thankful for...everything.

The trail we took was called the Hiawatha, and it was approximately 14 (?) miles long. It had nine tunnels and is built over a railroad. Here is one of the trestles, and we are the pinheads waving.
My wonderful brother Jesse came for a visit! He is on a manly motorcycle adventure, driving from Wisconsin to Alaska. Here he is with his fellow motorcycle buddy, Seth, and Todd. These three guys did some off-roading in the mountains.
"Oh no, Dad's sleeping. How am I gonna get out of here? Help me, help me, Mom..."
Our latest thrill has been picking huckleberries in the mountains. (Elijah watches for bears while we pick, and Todd carries the bear deterrent.) This was the first berry-finding mission (we didn't even know what huckleberries LOOKED like), accompanied by our friends below...
Patience and I went to Bible school together a LONG time ago. We have a lot of fun and crazy memories together. This is my dear friend Patience and her husband, Brian.
Huckleberry cobbler and icecream!

helpless one

2008-07-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

I went in to check on him before going to bed...and what I found made me sad.

Vomit pooled in little puddles on his face. His eyes and ears were small lakes of vomit, and his hair, pillow, and shirt were covered. Somehow, we hadn't heard him this time, and who knew how long he had been lying there like that. Helpless. Softly crying. Unable to turn his face or roll over so he wouldn't be covered with his own vomit from the reflux he's had his entire life.

Not even able to call out for "mommy".

As I comforted him and washed his face, he stopped crying. But tears formed in my own eyes and I wanted to cry my heart out for my child. "You are so helpless, little son...and so very "undeserving" of a life so hard." It's easy to compare Elijah's life with other two-year-olds, and feel like he got cheated! (Yet who are we to say what a "good" life is?) When it comes down to the bedrock of what we believe, we know that God doesn't lie, and that He works good from bad. Turns what isn't, into what IS. We'll trust You on that one, Lord, even when our hearts ache...when our small boy lies helpless in his vomit.

Thank you, Lord, for all Elijah teaches us...to learn in small ways your compassion. To have my heart moved by his struggles.

2008-07-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

"Mom, are you serious - that guy right there is really my uncle?"
Two special friends...

We can tell Elijah's making progress by comparing this photo with any other ones of Elijah with his great-grandpa...he's not crying here! Yay, Elijah!
Heading off to start 'the great hike' to see family history in Montana. This was such a fun day! Todd and I even got to hike together...Todd's mom and a few other ladies stayed with Elijah and we relished our freedom like little kids!

Here we are...this was kinda like a date!

photos for you

2008-07-15T11:59:00.000-07:00

Here's a few more photos from our trip...
Elijah loves the evening light (maybe it's easier on his eyes) and here he seems to be looking at the trees against the sky. This was after a full and beautiful day with my family in Wisconsin.
Cousins...taking this picture was funny because "B." kept trying to pull Elijah's hair. Most of the other photos we took have an intervening hand in the middle of the picture.
"Ahhh, I am really enjoying playing with my Dad."
I think we might have a little teaching to do about being nice to girls...
Elijah with his Grandma and Grandpa at the campfire. Long sleeves so the mosquitoes stay away!

fun with the family

2008-07-11T22:22:00.000-07:00

Here is our little cowboy in Montana, hitching a ride with Todd's cousin Ogden. Elijah says: "I know he's not holding onto the reins. I'm just gonna sit really still, close my eyes and pray".

This is my Mom, (some of) my sisters, and me. We were getting ready for Natalie's graduation party, thus the mounds of raw vegetables. Lawn tractor rides are somewhat of a tradition in my family. My Grandma used to drive us around her farm in the same wagon. Here is Elijah in the copilot's seat with his uncle Jordan and cousins in Wisconsin.

We are back in beautiful Idaho again. It was a strange feeling to realize as we drove into town that it really is starting to feel like home. All is grace and gift from the Giver!

I am so thankful that we got to see our families and a few special friends. Elijah also did better on this trip than any previous one. We even had a few relaxing hours in the car where Elijah wasn't crying! That is AMAZING!! I felt like I was in a dream...just enjoying the scenery from the passenger window with a happy child in the backseat and a dear husband beside me. A blessing, I tell you!!

If you can't guess, most of our previous travels across the country have been endurance events. Elijah would cry for the entire time in his carseat, never sleep, and nothing we tried would distract or comfort him. As a mom, it is miserable to listen to your baby cry his heart out for that long. Of course, we knew that Elijah's fussiness was due to his brain injury, but I would feel (as I have often felt) so frustrated at my inability to calm my own child...and so incredibly exasperated by the lack of "reason" for his crying.

Thankfully, God is helping Elijah improve...and we are enjoy the little times to relax when we get them!

family - how we love them

2008-07-05T22:01:00.000-07:00

This is a short hello to let you know things are ok with us - we're on a trip visiting both sides of our family. It's been wonderful and a lot of fun. We'll post some pictures when we get home. In the meantime, it's all about being together!

P.S. Elijah recovered and his lungs are just fine. We are thankful!

exploring our local ER

2008-06-13T13:57:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since we've been to an ER (the last time was in the Philippines), but we just made our first visit to the little emergency room here in town. They were wonderful, and it is soooooo good to know that we have pretty much immediate care just blocks away from our house. Ours was the third car to park in front - obviously, one big advantage in a small town is that you don't have to wait! (Thank you Lord, for planning that...)

It started out with a 'throw-up' episode for Elijah, which is still happening periodically for him due to reflux. However, something was different this time...he was gurgling and having a hard time breathing well. The ER staff suctioned him with a tube down his nose, and things improved. It was hard to stand there and watch him being held down, screaming, thrashing, and not understanding.

They they took some x-rays of his lungs, for which Elijah decided to sleep through. (I think we wore him out with all the crying.) We're supposed to keep a close eye on him tonight and watch for signs of a fever.

On a funny note, the nurse guessed his age at FOUR. (No, really, ma'am, he's just barely two years old.)

So thankful that Todd was home for all of this (he had JUST arrived - less than five minutes before Elijah threw up), and that God said 'yes' to our prayers today!!

A few photos to share...

This is our latest entry for the father/son look-alike contest! Todd is trying to imitate Elijah's facial expression, and I think he's doing a good job of it.
Here's little E doing great holding his head up! He's learning to kneel and put weight on his arms and legs. Several weeks ago he would have just cried in this position.

Thank you, Lord, for little gifts...progress we can see. Help us persevere in times we can't; help us keep working and helping, hoping and praying for whatever you have for this little boy's future.

the little things of the day

2008-06-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

Elijah had his first dentist appointment today - he was so cute! He grinds his teeth a lot, so I didn't know what we would hear...but all is good, at least for now. Yay!

We stopped to visit Todd at work afterwards. I am so blessed to be with a man who always makes me feel like I'm the highlight of his day, even if he is loaded down with responsibilities and pressures. I love stopping in at his work!

The speech therapist was supposed to come to our house in the afternoon, but Elijah and I took a vacation today instead. We played on the floor and (I) made chicken soup, a little antidote to all the cold weather we're having. There was even snow dusting the tops of the evergreens today on the mountains.

It felt good to free up our afternoon and just relax a little. Every time a therapist comes to our house, which is several times weekly, I think everything needs to be tidy...and today I just didn't want that pressure. I love an orderly home, but I would also like the ability to swallow my pride and be completely non-apologetic (and also completely comfortable) if someone stops by and things aren't perfect. Keep working on me, Lord...

birthday boy!

2008-06-04T11:32:00.000-07:00

Our 'baby' boy turned two on the 31st! That is SO hard to believe. We are enormously thankful for the blessing of Elijah! He has a sweetness to his personality that is hard to capture in pictures. I love kissing his soft cheeks and knowing him well enough to understand the expressions on his face. He has a lot to tell us...we probably will never know just how much.

Of all the things in this world Elijah will never be able to do, he can do the one thing that is most important: he knows how to love! He may not be able to express it with words, but he loves.

Thank you, friends and family, for helping us celebrate the gift of Elijah! Your phone calls, cards, presence at his party, and gifts were all so sweet. We love you.

Somehow I overlooked the fact that we only had three matches in the house. The little breeze we had extinguished all three, so we sang happy birthday but didn't blow out the candles!
This is how Elijah enjoyed his cake (mainly "playing" with it). He even tried a tiny crumb I put in his mouth without reacting.
One of the beautiful party-goers eating her cake on a convenient table.
Elijah had to try out his new sunglasses; after all, he is two years old now and practically a grown-up. Don't you think they make him look cool?
Reading his new book with the different textures to feel inside. He liked it!

I love this picture...Elijah is yawning and his new friend doesn't know what to think of him falling over on her. We think he planned it.
Later in the day, a big smile trying out his new jacket and bib with Dad.

We are THANKFUL for our two years with you, Elijah! Love, your Mom and Dad

smiles

2008-05-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

We had a great memorial day weekend...we spent time with a special family (and company), got to attend the grad party of a wonderful girl, and stayed the night with Todd's aunt and uncle. It still amazes me that of all the places in the USA we could have lived, the Lord put us HERE. Here where we have family and even a few friends nearby.

This is Elijah learning to balance himself...he can sometimes sit for 30 seconds or even a minute on a good day. I'm trying to learn the art of not over-protecting my child with special needs. In other words, I let him tip over when he loses his balance (on a soft surface). How else can he learn how his body works? I have to remind myself that all babies have to learn this in the same way. Although Elijah happens to be nearly two, the process is the same.

Here is a little series of pictures to show you what a blessed Mom I am: Elijah had these beautiful smiles and expressions when we got up today. I didn't catch the first and biggest smile on camera, but these are just about as cute! I am so excited that Elijah's face is showing more emotion. It's still so very subtle most of the time, but occasionally he breaks out with a heart-melter smile.

My heart was drip, drip, dripping this morning.

prone to wander, we all are...

2008-05-23T14:40:00.000-07:00

From a distance, I saw her walking out to his truck. She was carrying her clothes on hangars and a laundry basket full of stuff. Even though she's in her twenties, I felt like I was watching a little girl being taken off to slavery. Sorrow struck my heart, and I wanted to rescue her.

Looking for love, this girl is returning to an abusive relationship.

Her previous boyfriend had been abusive...she locked her door and kept the curtains closed so he would stay away. More than once he had come in the middle of the night, drunkenly pounding on her closed door.

Now she is going back.

Our world, friends, is so full of hurting people. We are not immune from the same hurts, nor do we have all the answers; we are just comforted and made whole by Jesus! Please pray with us for people like this girl who need to hear from you and from me about the Lover whose love is real.

hiking with hope

2008-05-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

A Letourneau mini-reunion was held at our house this weekend. Brad works with Todd, and Ken rode his motorcycle here from the Seattle area to visit. We had a great time with these guys!
Here we are, enjoying our first real hike since Elijah was born. We didn't go far, but I felt grateful for many things...that Elijah wasn't crying or fussing (!), that Todd's invention for carrying Elijah seemed to be comfortable for him; beautiful spring fairly exploding in a lovely place, and the sense of normalcy this little hike brought.

Before Elijah was born, Todd and I talked and dreamed of the family we would have. We would be, we said, one of those families who take their kids on adventures, camping and hiking. We wouldn't let having kids keep us from being 'outdoorsy'. I have to say that memories of those conversations carry a mild bit of sting, now. We probably won't be able to carry Elijah on hikes when he gets much bigger.

Just another reminder that a good life is not one that fulfills all my ideals; it's about walking the path God has ahead for us. And that's gonna be one awesome life. Yeah, my dreams might have to crumble a little or a lot. But whatever God has in store will be good. I am convinced of that. Even if we can't go on family hikes the rest of our lives. Even if I sometimes feel limited and held down by responsibilities and needs. God knows, and ultimately, this isn't the place to expect a fairy-tale life. But I can dream about the one coming up ahead...in God's grand fairy tale, heaven.

"Thank you, God, for the little gifts you lavish on us, like being all together on a good hike and the restful beauty of creation. Thank you for bringing us this far, and for giving us courage and hope and joy!"

new, squiggly playthings

2008-05-08T13:01:00.000-07:00

It has finally been warm enough for us to get the beginnings of a (container) garden started in our yard. Elijah came out to 'help', of course. I went into the house for something, and this is what I found when I came back!

Without even thinking, the momma in me swooped in to remove those little critters from Elijah's tray. Todd said, "Julie, please don't take them away! Little boys play with worms. You're just not used to your baby getting dirty." (Obviously, Todd is the fun guy in our family!) I had to admit that he was right. Why shouldn't Elijah have the chance to play with worms? I'm so thankful for my little boy's daddy, who makes sure that Elijah gets to experience life to the fullest, even playing with worms.

Thank you, Lord, for all the creatures You've made, great and small. Thank you for our sweet pea of a boy who helps us rediscover the world, and for a husband who lets him.

little guy pictures

2008-05-05T20:52:00.000-07:00

Sweetness personified...
Todd came up with this way to carry Elijah, sort of stuffed in his backpack. We need to make a few adjustments to the method, but it's a great idea! Elijah, on the other hand, may have a few reservations, as you can tell by his face.
Here's some of the scenery we get to enjoy here. This is a view from the edge of the lake, on the trail we were walking along above. And yes, that white stuff is snow.
Elijah has therapy time in a heated pool now! Last week was his first session, and he had FUN - he was really kicking a lot. Elijah's therapist came to help us get started, but since she doesn't have time in her schedule, we will be the ones actually doing the water therapy. Todd came over on his lunch break, and I was so thankful for his help!

lumps

2008-05-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

A small mound of grayish clay sits on the wheel in front of me. I'm supposed to make something from the lump.

As the wheel spins, my wet hands glide along the clay. The instructor says, "Remember, this clay doesn't want to be here. It would rather be back in the pond or wherever it came from. You are the one to apply pressure to make it take shape."

Hmmm. That reminds me of someone I know. Often, I would so much rather be 'back in the pond' or wherever life would be a little easier. I could just be my own lump -- none of this transformation business for me, please.

Thank you, Lord, that You apply pressure where I need it. I'm glad Your hands are skilled, and that You don't wait for me to ask for help out of my "lumpishness". You know too well the nature of the clay.

PS As you can tell, I'm taking a pottery class! I'm enjoying a little creative time, and since it's just a block away from our house, Todd and Elijah can walk down to watch me! Fun.

swingin' and spreading grace

2008-04-28T17:16:00.000-07:00

Play time for Elijah...he was so happy in this picture and was holding onto a rattle - he even shook it a time or two. Yay, Elijah!
Here's some more pictures of Elijah swinging! It is so good (for us and him) to know of something he likes. The last time Todd was swinging him, he was probably as "excited" as we've ever seen him be able to express -- smiling big smiles and kicking his legs / moving his arms like crazy whenever Todd pushed him. It was so fun for us to see his reactions and the obvious "more, please, Daddy"!

The neighbors have confessed that they watch out their windows whenever they see Elijah flying through the air. He swings from a very high tree branch, so Todd can really launch him. :)

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I am pushing my small, curly-haired boy in a wheelchair through the store. He is crying in short bursts and it doesn't quite sound "normal". His head tilts a little to the left. I feel so vulnerable and so afraid of being pitied.

Some people pretend that we don't exist, looking past. Some move out of the way, giving us exaggerated clearance as if we needed most of the aisle. Two younger kids, pushing their mom's cart, stop and look with wide eyes. Their mother hisses at them to stop staring. A couple expecting a baby look with apparent distaste at Elijah and turn their backs to us.

Lord, help my heart...help me. I feel so alone, so awkward in this new world. Help me to spread grace lavishly on those who hurt me, who feel uncomfortable with our different-ness.

A girl says to her mother, "Mom, look at that cute little baby!" and the icicles in my heart start to melt.

we love our days together

2008-04-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

(My talented brother, Jesse, took these photos of Elijah. I love them. They're from a few weeks ago, BEFORE Elijah's haircut.)

Things are starting to get into a routine here.

Todd goes to work early, then Elijah and I have the day together. Usually we manage to include a walk (Elijah in his 'kidcart') to the grocery store, the thrift store, or one of the little shops downtown. This is primarily for my entertainment and sanity, but Elijah loves getting outside. In fact, he is a stinker sometimes, and cries when we walk into a store, then stops when he's back outside. Elijah's favorite part of our outings is the sunshine and going over all the bumps in the sidewalk. My favorite part is seeing the little happy look on his face!

We also have therapy and other Elijah-related visits several times a week. We are so blessed to live within walking distance of the hospital. Another blessing is that the physical therapist here (who has her own practice) can do "hippo therapy" with Elijah (therapy using horses) when he turns two! It's amazing that such a small town would have that type of therapy available.

Thank you, Lord!

Elijah's finally settled into a somewhat regular naptime of one hour in the afternoon. I'm usually SO ready for a little break!

When Todd comes home, Elijah and I are really happy to see him! We miss him during the day!

Elijah's latest fun thing is to explore stuff with his mouth. He can't use his own hands to bring things to his face, so we have to help him do that, but it's so cute to see him interested and enjoying a toy or a taste. Today he liked chewing on a piece of dried mango.

goodbye, auntie Kallia

2008-04-08T16:39:00.000-07:00

I am not very happy about my auntie Kallia leaving today. She's been spoiling me ever since she got here. She also holds me a lot, and I like that.
This is my auntie doing her first rock-climbing. Way to go, auntie!
Me and auntie Kallia, just chillin'. I've got my arm around her to let everybody know she's mine.

Thank you for coming to help us move, Kallia! We already miss you so much and we love you!!

eyes of faith

2008-04-06T22:56:00.000-07:00

I talk to you and your face becomes alert, looking for the mommy you love. Your big blue eyes search in the direction of my voice. I long for you to connect...breathing a prayer that you might see me, could take in the love that floods my heart for you. Searching and seeing nothing, the moment passes. Heart chokes, eyes sting...love wells up and aches deep inside.

"How I wish, Father, that my child could see me. Could meet my eyes and connect. Is this best, Father? Is this really best? I can't understand Your ways!

Let me see You, Father, the One whose face is full of love for me. Let me see Your face in this."

old and settled now

2008-03-28T21:09:00.000-07:00

We are at least half-way moved in now, I think! We've discovered that every cubic inch counts when you live in a small place, but we are happy and cozy and THANKFUL for our house.

Elijah has seen his new pediatrician and occupational therapist, so we've started checking off our list of stuff to take care of for him. Sometimes it's overwhelming to stay on top of all the phone calls, therapy and doctor visits, and medical supplies to order. At the same time it amazes me how many services have been provided for our little guy at no charge to us. Thank you for Your care for us, Lord!

Elijah is smiling a lot more these days and sometimes he makes us laugh at the timing of those smiles. We wonder just how much he understands?? What a little honeybug he is. We are so thankful for our sweet Elijah!

I couldn't resist posting this one of Elijah and his Grandma before we left Wisconsin. Elijah will miss his Grammy (and we'll miss you too, Mom)! Elijah has a new haircut in this picture - isn't he so handsome?
This is the kitchen of our cute and tiny apartment, before we unpacked very much.
This is most of our living room, viewed from the kitchen! :) Please do stop by so you can relax in one of our super-comfy folding chairs.