fun with the family

Here is our little cowboy in Montana, hitching a ride with Todd's cousin Ogden. Elijah says: "I know he's not holding onto the reins. I'm just gonna sit really still, close my eyes and pray".

This is my Mom, (some of) my sisters, and me. We were getting ready for Natalie's graduation party, thus the mounds of raw vegetables. Lawn tractor rides are somewhat of a tradition in my family. My Grandma used to drive us around her farm in the same wagon. Here is Elijah in the copilot's seat with his uncle Jordan and cousins in Wisconsin.

We are back in beautiful Idaho again. It was a strange feeling to realize as we drove into town that it really is starting to feel like home. All is grace and gift from the Giver!

I am so thankful that we got to see our families and a few special friends. Elijah also did better on this trip than any previous one. We even had a few relaxing hours in the car where Elijah wasn't crying! That is AMAZING!! I felt like I was in a dream...just enjoying the scenery from the passenger window with a happy child in the backseat and a dear husband beside me. A blessing, I tell you!!

If you can't guess, most of our previous travels across the country have been endurance events. Elijah would cry for the entire time in his carseat, never sleep, and nothing we tried would distract or comfort him. As a mom, it is miserable to listen to your baby cry his heart out for that long. Of course, we knew that Elijah's fussiness was due to his brain injury, but I would feel (as I have often felt) so frustrated at my inability to calm my own child...and so incredibly exasperated by the lack of "reason" for his crying.

Thankfully, God is helping Elijah improve...and we are enjoy the little times to relax when we get them!

More pics and stories to come!

family - how we love them

This is a short hello to let you know things are ok with us - we're on a trip visiting both sides of our family. It's been wonderful and a lot of fun. We'll post some pictures when we get home. In the meantime, it's all about being together!

P.S. Elijah recovered and his lungs are just fine. We are thankful!

exploring our local ER

It's been a long time since we've been to an ER (the last time was in the Philippines), but we just made our first visit to the little emergency room here in town. They were wonderful, and it is soooooo good to know that we have pretty much immediate care just blocks away from our house. Ours was the third car to park in front - obviously, one big advantage in a small town is that you don't have to wait! (Thank you Lord, for planning that...)

It started out with a 'throw-up' episode for Elijah, which is still happening periodically for him due to reflux. However, something was different this time...he was gurgling and having a hard time breathing well. The ER staff suctioned him with a tube down his nose, and things improved. It was hard to stand there and watch him being held down, screaming, thrashing, and not understanding.

They they took some x-rays of his lungs, for which Elijah decided to sleep through. (I think we wore him out with all the crying.) We're supposed to keep a close eye on him tonight and watch for signs of a fever.

On a funny note, the nurse guessed his age at FOUR. (No, really, ma'am, he's just barely two years old.)

So thankful that Todd was home for all of this (he had JUST arrived - less than five minutes before Elijah threw up), and that God said 'yes' to our prayers today!!

A few photos to share...

This is our latest entry for the father/son look-alike contest! Todd is trying to imitate Elijah's facial expression, and I think he's doing a good job of it.
Here's little E doing great holding his head up! He's learning to kneel and put weight on his arms and legs. Several weeks ago he would have just cried in this position.

Thank you, Lord, for little gifts...progress we can see. Help us persevere in times we can't; help us keep working and helping, hoping and praying for whatever you have for this little boy's future.

the little things of the day

Elijah had his first dentist appointment today - he was so cute! He grinds his teeth a lot, so I didn't know what we would hear...but all is good, at least for now. Yay!

We stopped to visit Todd at work afterwards. I am so blessed to be with a man who always makes me feel like I'm the highlight of his day, even if he is loaded down with responsibilities and pressures. I love stopping in at his work!

The speech therapist was supposed to come to our house in the afternoon, but Elijah and I took a vacation today instead. We played on the floor and (I) made chicken soup, a little antidote to all the cold weather we're having. There was even snow dusting the tops of the evergreens today on the mountains.

It felt good to free up our afternoon and just relax a little. Every time a therapist comes to our house, which is several times weekly, I think everything needs to be tidy...and today I just didn't want that pressure. I love an orderly home, but I would also like the ability to swallow my pride and be completely non-apologetic (and also completely comfortable) if someone stops by and things aren't perfect. Keep working on me, Lord...

birthday boy!

Our 'baby' boy turned two on the 31st! That is SO hard to believe. We are enormously thankful for the blessing of Elijah! He has a sweetness to his personality that is hard to capture in pictures. I love kissing his soft cheeks and knowing him well enough to understand the expressions on his face. He has a lot to tell us...we probably will never know just how much.


Of all the things in this world Elijah will never be able to do, he can do the one thing that is most important: he knows how to love! He may not be able to express it with words, but he loves.

Thank you, friends and family, for helping us celebrate the gift of Elijah! Your phone calls, cards, presence at his party, and gifts were all so sweet. We love you.

Somehow I overlooked the fact that we only had three matches in the house. The little breeze we had extinguished all three, so we sang happy birthday but didn't blow out the candles!
This is how Elijah enjoyed his cake (mainly "playing" with it). He even tried a tiny crumb I put in his mouth without reacting.
One of the beautiful party-goers eating her cake on a convenient table.
Elijah had to try out his new sunglasses; after all, he is two years old now and practically a grown-up. Don't you think they make him look cool?
Reading his new book with the different textures to feel inside. He liked it!

I love this picture...Elijah is yawning and his new friend doesn't know what to think of him falling over on her. We think he planned it.
Later in the day, a big smile trying out his new jacket and bib with Dad.


We are THANKFUL for our two years with you, Elijah! Love, your Mom and Dad

smiles

We had a great memorial day weekend...we spent time with a special family (and company), got to attend the grad party of a wonderful girl, and stayed the night with Todd's aunt and uncle. It still amazes me that of all the places in the USA we could have lived, the Lord put us HERE. Here where we have family and even a few friends nearby.

This is Elijah learning to balance himself...he can sometimes sit for 30 seconds or even a minute on a good day. I'm trying to learn the art of not over-protecting my child with special needs. In other words, I let him tip over when he loses his balance (on a soft surface). How else can he learn how his body works? I have to remind myself that all babies have to learn this in the same way. Although Elijah happens to be nearly two, the process is the same.

Here is a little series of pictures to show you what a blessed Mom I am: Elijah had these beautiful smiles and expressions when we got up today. I didn't catch the first and biggest smile on camera, but these are just about as cute! I am so excited that Elijah's face is showing more emotion. It's still so very subtle most of the time, but occasionally he breaks out with a heart-melter smile.

My heart was drip, drip, dripping this morning.

prone to wander, we all are...

From a distance, I saw her walking out to his truck. She was carrying her clothes on hangars and a laundry basket full of stuff. Even though she's in her twenties, I felt like I was watching a little girl being taken off to slavery. Sorrow struck my heart, and I wanted to rescue her.

Looking for love, this girl is returning to an abusive relationship.

Her previous boyfriend had been abusive...she locked her door and kept the curtains closed so he would stay away. More than once he had come in the middle of the night, drunkenly pounding on her closed door.

Now she is going back.

Our world, friends, is so full of hurting people. We are not immune from the same hurts, nor do we have all the answers; we are just comforted and made whole by Jesus! Please pray with us for people like this girl who need to hear from you and from me about the Lover whose love is real.

hiking with hope

A Letourneau mini-reunion was held at our house this weekend. Brad works with Todd, and Ken rode his motorcycle here from the Seattle area to visit. We had a great time with these guys!
Here we are, enjoying our first real hike since Elijah was born. We didn't go far, but I felt grateful for many things...that Elijah wasn't crying or fussing (!), that Todd's invention for carrying Elijah seemed to be comfortable for him; beautiful spring fairly exploding in a lovely place, and the sense of normalcy this little hike brought.

Before Elijah was born, Todd and I talked and dreamed of the family we would have. We would be, we said, one of those families who take their kids on adventures, camping and hiking. We wouldn't let having kids keep us from being 'outdoorsy'. I have to say that memories of those conversations carry a mild bit of sting, now. We probably won't be able to carry Elijah on hikes when he gets much bigger.

Just another reminder that a good life is not one that fulfills all my ideals; it's about walking the path God has ahead for us. And that's gonna be one awesome life. Yeah, my dreams might have to crumble a little or a lot. But whatever God has in store will be good. I am convinced of that. Even if we can't go on family hikes the rest of our lives. Even if I sometimes feel limited and held down by responsibilities and needs. God knows, and ultimately, this isn't the place to expect a fairy-tale life. But I can dream about the one coming up ahead...in God's grand fairy tale, heaven.

"Thank you, God, for the little gifts you lavish on us, like being all together on a good hike and the restful beauty of creation. Thank you for bringing us this far, and for giving us courage and hope and joy!"

new, squiggly playthings

It has finally been warm enough for us to get the beginnings of a (container) garden started in our yard. Elijah came out to 'help', of course. I went into the house for something, and this is what I found when I came back!

Without even thinking, the momma in me swooped in to remove those little critters from Elijah's tray. Todd said, "Julie, please don't take them away! Little boys play with worms. You're just not used to your baby getting dirty." (Obviously, Todd is the fun guy in our family!) I had to admit that he was right. Why shouldn't Elijah have the chance to play with worms? I'm so thankful for my little boy's daddy, who makes sure that Elijah gets to experience life to the fullest, even playing with worms.

Thank you, Lord, for all the creatures You've made, great and small. Thank you for our sweet pea of a boy who helps us rediscover the world, and for a husband who lets him.

little guy pictures

Sweetness personified...
Todd came up with this way to carry Elijah, sort of stuffed in his backpack. We need to make a few adjustments to the method, but it's a great idea! Elijah, on the other hand, may have a few reservations, as you can tell by his face.
Here's some of the scenery we get to enjoy here. This is a view from the edge of the lake, on the trail we were walking along above. And yes, that white stuff is snow.
Elijah has therapy time in a heated pool now! Last week was his first session, and he had FUN - he was really kicking a lot. Elijah's therapist came to help us get started, but since she doesn't have time in her schedule, we will be the ones actually doing the water therapy. Todd came over on his lunch break, and I was so thankful for his help!

lumps

A small mound of grayish clay sits on the wheel in front of me. I'm supposed to make something from the lump.

As the wheel spins, my wet hands glide along the clay. The instructor says, "Remember, this clay doesn't want to be here. It would rather be back in the pond or wherever it came from. You are the one to apply pressure to make it take shape."

Hmmm. That reminds me of someone I know. Often, I would so much rather be 'back in the pond' or wherever life would be a little easier. I could just be my own lump -- none of this transformation business for me, please.

Thank you, Lord, that You apply pressure where I need it. I'm glad Your hands are skilled, and that You don't wait for me to ask for help out of my "lumpishness". You know too well the nature of the clay.

PS As you can tell, I'm taking a pottery class! I'm enjoying a little creative time, and since it's just a block away from our house, Todd and Elijah can walk down to watch me! Fun.

swingin' and spreading grace

Play time for Elijah...he was so happy in this picture and was holding onto a rattle - he even shook it a time or two. Yay, Elijah!
Here's some more pictures of Elijah swinging! It is so good (for us and him) to know of something he likes. The last time Todd was swinging him, he was probably as "excited" as we've ever seen him be able to express -- smiling big smiles and kicking his legs / moving his arms like crazy whenever Todd pushed him. It was so fun for us to see his reactions and the obvious "more, please, Daddy"!

The neighbors have confessed that they watch out their windows whenever they see Elijah flying through the air. He swings from a very high tree branch, so Todd can really launch him. :)

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I am pushing my small, curly-haired boy in a wheelchair through the store. He is crying in short bursts and it doesn't quite sound "normal". His head tilts a little to the left. I feel so vulnerable and so afraid of being pitied.

Some people pretend that we don't exist, looking past. Some move out of the way, giving us exaggerated clearance as if we needed most of the aisle. Two younger kids, pushing their mom's cart, stop and look with wide eyes. Their mother hisses at them to stop staring. A couple expecting a baby look with apparent distaste at Elijah and turn their backs to us.

Lord, help my heart...help me. I feel so alone, so awkward in this new world. Help me to spread grace lavishly on those who hurt me, who feel uncomfortable with our different-ness.

A girl says to her mother, "Mom, look at that cute little baby!" and the icicles in my heart start to melt.

we love our days together

(My talented brother, Jesse, took these photos of Elijah. I love them. They're from a few weeks ago, BEFORE Elijah's haircut.)

Things are starting to get into a routine here.

Todd goes to work early, then Elijah and I have the day together. Usually we manage to include a walk (Elijah in his 'kidcart') to the grocery store, the thrift store, or one of the little shops downtown. This is primarily for my entertainment and sanity, but Elijah loves getting outside. In fact, he is a stinker sometimes, and cries when we walk into a store, then stops when he's back outside. Elijah's favorite part of our outings is the sunshine and going over all the bumps in the sidewalk. My favorite part is seeing the little happy look on his face!

We also have therapy and other Elijah-related visits several times a week. We are so blessed to live within walking distance of the hospital. Another blessing is that the physical therapist here (who has her own practice) can do "hippo therapy" with Elijah (therapy using horses) when he turns two! It's amazing that such a small town would have that type of therapy available.

Thank you, Lord!

Elijah's finally settled into a somewhat regular naptime of one hour in the afternoon. I'm usually SO ready for a little break!

When Todd comes home, Elijah and I are really happy to see him! We miss him during the day!

Elijah's latest fun thing is to explore stuff with his mouth. He can't use his own hands to bring things to his face, so we have to help him do that, but it's so cute to see him interested and enjoying a toy or a taste. Today he liked chewing on a piece of dried mango.

goodbye, auntie Kallia

I am not very happy about my auntie Kallia leaving today. She's been spoiling me ever since she got here. She also holds me a lot, and I like that.
This is my auntie doing her first rock-climbing. Way to go, auntie!
Me and auntie Kallia, just chillin'. I've got my arm around her to let everybody know she's mine.

Thank you for coming to help us move, Kallia! We already miss you so much and we love you!!

eyes of faith

I talk to you and your face becomes alert, looking for the mommy you love. Your big blue eyes search in the direction of my voice. I long for you to connect...breathing a prayer that you might see me, could take in the love that floods my heart for you. Searching and seeing nothing, the moment passes. Heart chokes, eyes sting...love wells up and aches deep inside.

"How I wish, Father, that my child could see me. Could meet my eyes and connect. Is this best, Father? Is this really best? I can't understand Your ways!

Let me see You, Father, the One whose face is full of love for me. Let me see Your face in this."

old and settled now

We are at least half-way moved in now, I think! We've discovered that every cubic inch counts when you live in a small place, but we are happy and cozy and THANKFUL for our house.

Elijah has seen his new pediatrician and occupational therapist, so we've started checking off our list of stuff to take care of for him. Sometimes it's overwhelming to stay on top of all the phone calls, therapy and doctor visits, and medical supplies to order. At the same time it amazes me how many services have been provided for our little guy at no charge to us. Thank you for Your care for us, Lord!

Elijah is smiling a lot more these days and sometimes he makes us laugh at the timing of those smiles. We wonder just how much he understands?? What a little honeybug he is. We are so thankful for our sweet Elijah!


I couldn't resist posting this one of Elijah and his Grandma before we left Wisconsin. Elijah will miss his Grammy (and we'll miss you too, Mom)! Elijah has a new haircut in this picture - isn't he so handsome?
This is the kitchen of our cute and tiny apartment, before we unpacked very much.
This is most of our living room, viewed from the kitchen! :) Please do stop by so you can relax in one of our super-comfy folding chairs.

seein' the sights

Amazingly, we signed a rental agreement for a little apartment today! The rental market was so tight here, I thought it might even take a few weeks to find something...but it was clear that God put us in the right place at the right time for this place. Thanks for praying!

We'll move in on Monday! I love our cute little place -- and 'little' is definitely the word for it. It's about 600 sq feet...two bedrooms and one bath. I'll put pictures on soon!

Well, the calendar says spring is here, but it doesn't look like it in Idaho yet! This, my friends, is a rooftop from a nearby mountain!
This was our introduction to Idaho... a moose was in "our" new backyard today when we came to sign the papers!!! (That's the neighbor's house in the picture.)

adventures of the Idahoans

Thank you if you prayed for our travels to Idaho! Todd drove and Elijah and I, plus my sister Kallia, flew. Elijah and I loved getting to see our Man again when we met up with Todd! Sweet reunion.

I noticed at the airport that I'm getting used to feeling "different" wheeling our little guy around. I have never enjoyed being conspicuous, so it's a big challenge for me not to cringe on the inside when I catch people's sidelong glances at the small boy in the wheelchair. I'm learning to meet those looks with a smile, a smile that says 'I'm proud to be that cute little boy's Mommy'. Yeah, it's ok to be different. I hope that anyone who sees Elijah and I together can walk away with a little glimpse of God's love. All for His glory!!

We started apartment shopping today. The last time we did this, it was hot and we were riding jeepneys or just hoofing it through the streets of Manila. What a contrast! Here, the curbs are piled high with snow and we are cruising along in our van.

This little town is just so beautiful! We have mountains in about every direction. I want and I've been dreaming about ''just the right home" someday, but maybe (maybe??) what the Lord wants more for me now is contentment with what I have and where I'm at.

Thank you, Lord, for this beautiful place. Keep reminding me, Father, that we're just passing through...that my home is not here. Home is up ahead and it's better than anything I can dream up.

halls of memories

We're back in WI, and Elijah is peacefully sleeping in his hospital bed tonight, smelling like glue and sprouting wires from his head. Cute little man! He's making the sweetest noises while he sleeps, as if he's dreaming about his bottle.

Today and tonight is his EEG to monitor the suspected seizures. Hopefully we'll know a little more by tomorrow about what's going on. Being here today has made me thankful for this good hospital, and all the skilled and caring people who help our boy. (I've also noticed that it helps one's attitude immensely to have a child who's not crying the entire time.)

Walking down the hall tonight, I kept having flashbacks of all the different memories we've had in this place. Nearly two years ago, these corridors were foreign, frightening, and filled with unimaginable pain. Tears we cried that we couldn't seem to stop.

Walking the same halls today, I'm grateful to say that those days feel distant now. In their place is a new life, a new normal, and joy that only God can give.


Keep teaching me, Father, through the hallways of life.

swings and smiles

More swinging pictures from a few days ago. We were so spoiled with the sunshine and warmth of Kansas!!


This is R. and M., the friends who graciously allowed us to stay with them. We will miss them! We are on our way north now...

just the beginning

This is Elijah's friend, Ezra, and his Mommy! We managed to get in a wonderful but VERY quick visit with these amazing friends of ours. Liz and I knew each other before our boys were born, and she has been a special support to me as a Mom in our similar situations. God has been so good to give us each other!

We have been in Wichita for this week, spending time with friends and churches and saying "thanks" for all that they've done for us! It's been a fun week and we've been so encouraged. It feels like we've been on the go constantly, but Elijah's been a trooper. We take him "home" to our friend's (R. and M.) house for his mid-day nap so he can get through the day.

Our friends have given us the cutest room to stay in on the 3rd floor of their historic home. I love waking up to the sunshine and the birds...it feels so much like spring in Kansas!

Elijah has been having lots of what we think are seizures, so the doctor has ordered another EEG when we get back to Wisconsin. It seems like we often don't get many answers from the tests we've done, so I'm a little reluctant to subject Elijah to another stay in the hospital with wires glued to his head. We would love your prayers for wisdom (for us and for the doctors) to know how to help Elijah.

We have many more miles ahead!

We had a picnic lunch today in the sunshine! Todd rigged up Elijah's kidcart as a swing from a tree branch, and he LOVED it.

maybe i should mention...

I realize that for some who follow our lives only through this blog and don't get our emails, there are some pieces missing from the puzzle!

Someone wrote and asked me (after reading the blog) why we are leaving NTM. So I thought I would write about some of our thoughts and what's taken place over the last few weeks.

To begin with, we went to the Philippines to assist the aviation program. Gradually, it became evident during our time in language study (living in Manila) that it would be impossible for us to move where NTM's aviation bases are located because of the lack of medical care in remote areas.

In October, we made a hasty trip to the USA to get Elijah to his doctors in the States. He had surgery (to place his g-tube), and then we had a three-month waiting period before the next needed surgery could be done.

Before leaving the Philippines, we had investigated some possible ministry options that would allow us to live near Manila. During the three-month period here in the States, we communicated with our contacts in the Philippines about those opportunities. A few weeks ago, they let us know that the positions had been filled. So we took this as a closed door from the Lord at this time to return to the Philippines.

We were also asked to work with NTMA in the USA -- and we would have loved to, but when the opportunity came up for Todd to work as an engineer, it seemed to us like a better fit for our family and for Todd's skills and education.

We're so excited for what the Lord has for us next! Thank you for following us along on these journeys...we can plan our paths, but it is the Lord who ultimately directs our steps.

a new job - and more sleep!

As of yesterday, Todd has been hired as a liaison engineer by an aircraft company in Idaho. We’re so excited, and we praise God for providing this job and for clearly marking out our paths!

Leaving New Tribes Mission wasn’t an easy decision for us. We believe strongly in the work they are doing and the focus they have – bringing the Gospel to isolated people groups who don’t have the chance to hear. However, the company Todd will be working for has the same focus; they are building planes specifically designed for the type of conditions mission aviation presents. Isn’t the Lord good to give Todd this job?

We were in Montana when we received the job offer for Todd. I happened to be sick, so I had several hours to think, pray, and process everything while I rested (I was happy to be sick so I could rest!). Initially, I was sad even to think about the possibility of leaving NTM. Being missionaries has been our heart’s desire both as single individuals and for the past three years as a married couple. We’ve invested years of time in training to go, and then working in Arizona and the Philippines. Two things, however, have given me enormous peace:

1.) I trust my husband to make the final decisions.
2.) I trust God’s plans for my life! They may not look like my plans; in fact, in many ways right now, they don’t look like mine at all. I don’t want to hold onto my life with a tightly-closed fist, grasping for control. I want it to be His.


Help me remember, Lord, that this isn't my life...I've given it to the man who died for me.


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We also have one HUGE praise we want to share with you about little Elijah! He slept nearly through the night last night (seven hours) without waking up!!!!!!!!!!!! Those of you who know our struggles and serious lack of sleep for the past twenty-one months realize this is a very good thing!

He has also reached the point of being able to (usually) cry himself to sleep at night. Now, that might not sound like a big thing. But for parents who have spent hundreds of hours sitting on an exercise ball bouncing a child to sleep who had no neurological ability to calm himself, it is like we were just handed a million bucks on a platter!

snowy days and peaceful hearts

I forgot to mention in my last post that we are now back in Wisconsin - enjoying the snow! We're trying to soak in all the moments with friends and family that we can. Still no word on the job yet -- but we are very restful in our hearts. A good place to be.

winds of change

Last Friday, Todd was offered a job at an aviation company. After quite a weekend of talking and praying, we called Monday to let them know we were interested but had a few additional requests. We're still waiting to hear...

Although we know it's not final yet, it feels like an enormous change is in the wind. We're so thankful for the peace of God that guards our hearts and minds, knowing that as we 'make' the decisions, God is the One guiding our paths.

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I was reading through some of the therapist's reports from a recent clinic Elijah attended, and something caught my eye. She listed him as Level 5, which is the lowest grading level for cerebral palsy and means that, statistically speaking, he will not ever crawl, walk, or be able to move himself around in any way. Somehow I had hoped (and still do) for a miracle in that area. God knows the ache our hearts carry around every day, and he knows the physical aches we feel as we care for our sweet boy who is just starting out on this journey. Still, He says these things - these aches - are "light and momentary" and are achieving for us "an eternal glory that far outweighs them all". So we are to focus not on what is seen (an impossibly heavy burden), but what is unseen and eternal.

Help me, help me, Lord, when I feel like I'm drownin'. Help me when discouragement threatens to choke my heart. It's just about today, right, Lord? Trusting You for today. I don't have to walk the paths ahead until we get there. You'll be there then, just like You are now, carrying my aching heart and body, lifting the burdens that are too heavy.

Thank you for the unseen, the eternal glory coming up ahead. How my heart longs to make a run for that day! When are you coming for us, Lord?

sweet baby kisses

Tonight, sitting in Todd's parent's living room, I kissed his soft, round cheek. That little person turned his face suddenly to mine, and his mouth opened to give me a sweet, wet kiss. I can not think of many moments in life that I would like to remember more. I am so blessed to have Elijah, who is calmed just by my whisper, who, unable to speak a word, simply sighs his pleasure when I pick him up.

He is teething now, and one cheek is hot and red. The last few nights have been extra hard, so I'm guessing that is the reason. I'm so glad adults don't get new teeth in every few weeks!

We're having such a wonderful time in Montana. When you live in a remote place, far from busy shopping malls and Walmarts, it seems easier to remember what really matters, to be content with what you have, and to savour the quiet things in life. Todd's been working in the woods a lot, cutting firewood and burning brush (to reduce the chance of a forest fire later). I've gone out to help him when Elijah naps or when Todd's Mom has watched him.

We just returned yesterday from three days in Billings. I got to stay with Todd's aunt and uncle, and he was flown out from there by an aviation company for an interview. Just another step in the process of finding what the Lord would have for us next! We know a lot of people have been praying for us in this, and we are so grateful!

On a different note, I have been thinking a lot about how people (and specifically, myself) define themselves. It seems to me that often I want to set myself apart from other people because of my appearance; to look more hip, prettier, more outdoorsy - whatever - than everyone else who happens to be in my frame of reference. You could say that I value myself or others more when I think they look beautiful or handsome. Granted, I realize that it is God who gives beauty, thus beauty is a good thing. I am just convicted that I am measuring myself and other people by a comparison standard that is not God's. Teach me, Lord, to have a heart that pleases You, because You see what I really am. Forgive me for the ugliness of pride, for putting too much importance on this earthly, aging shell. Teach me to value what you hold highly, like a heart that is pure and lovely.

home

Montana...the sweeping prairies, rugged buttes and pine forests here are all balm for my soul. Thank you, Father, for this wild beauty you have crafted. We love being here.

As much as I am enormously thankful for the people that have opened their hearts and homes to us for the past few months (my Grandma and now Todd's parents), I am starting to feel a little homesick for our own home. We're not sure where that will be next. I can't even run ahead in my thoughts imagining where the green rug or the little table will go.

Psalm 90:1 "Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations". What a comfort. The God of the Ages is our dwelling place; constant, secure, changeless. When I am tempted to measure security by a home or possessions here on this temporary earth, remind me, Lord, of my true heart's rest - You.