parenting craziness

Elijah and his parents + three free tickets to our nearest theme park = lots of laughs for all!

This is Elijah and me...guess who is the most scared? That would be me, of course. I know, I know, this is totally a little kid ride!!

Elijah was so cute. Each time we swooped up I felt him give a little shiver of delight -- and this ride caused lots of smiles. Payment enough, I suppose, for my weak knees and shaky stomach. :)

We took Elijah on a rollercoaster! Sorry, we have no pictures. He was only an inch or so shorter than the height minimum...so maybe he wasn't technically supposed to go??

We have always wondered whether Elijah would like rollercoasters. Once we started moving, though, I completely second-guessed myself about whether it was wise to bring Elijah along. I couldn't see his face because he was sitting with Todd, but I was just imagining him being terrified and feeling horrible about it. I am not exaggerating to say that I was praying for the ride to be OVER -- it was so intense and nauseating. I felt like such a terrible mother for taking Elijah!

To my great relief, the rollercoaster finally ended. The look on my little boy's face when we climbed out? It was something like: "I'm not sure what just happened, but THAT WAS SOOOOO COOL!!!"

What a funny little boy. I guess we weren't totally surprised since Elijah usually likes things that other kids think are scarey. Here we are several minutes after the big ride. Elijah still had the rollercoaster-induced perma-smile and wide eyes, while Todd and I are looking a little green.


I think the funniest part of this story is that Elijah was so wound up he hardly slept that night. It must have been really, really exciting.

Yay for fun times as a family! We have just recently been able to enjoy getting out and doing things together. So many of our "outings" in the past haven't been very fun because of Elijah's crabbiness. We are very thankful that he seems able to enjoy life a little more and able to tolerate quite a lot - even rollercoasters.

Praising You, Jesus, for helping us endure hard times and blessing us with fun ones...

We loved having Grandma visit!

Doing so much better on his tummy! We're very thankful for all the good things God's done in Elijah's life.
The long-awaited picture of the hyperbaric chamber that sat in our garage for a month. Todd was giving me a break on this day, but normally it was me, my Mom, and Elijah. Mom and Elijah wore a mask or a hood to receive 100% oxygen while inside the pressurized chamber.

We are happy to say that we're all finished with HBOT for now, and that we can again see some definite improvements in Elijah. His overall demeanor has again improved (even more happy -- and lots of smiles all day long, as opposed to mostly when he gets up from sleeping). Also we are seeing some good things regarding his vision. He is attempting to make eye contact on a frequent basis and occasionally we're even treated to a smile when he finds us in his field of vision. (If you remember a post from a few months back, seeing that happen ONCE was a miracle!)

Having my Mom here was a blessing!! We're so thankful she could come, and Elijah benefited from Grandma time, too. :)
These pictures are a little out of order, but above and below you see Todd's newest project -- managing 9,763 employees. They will soon be producing honey!

His workers came packaged in a little box, all three pounds of 'em, along with their supervisor, the queen. Above you will see Todd shaking them into their new cubicles.
This happened before the picture above, but oh well. Here is Todd brushing some sugar water on the caged bees to calm them down before they get dumped out. Calm bees = happy bee-keeper.
Our beautiful lake and mountains, seen from the sunrise service at the top of the mountain on Easter.

This was Todd's Easter Sunday attire. Yep, we shore dress fancy here in North Idaho.

there's a metal tank in my garage

Elijah started his 2nd round of hyperbaric oxygen therapy today! The Lord provided for us to bring a mobile oxygen chamber to our home, so YAY for not having to drive 3 hours, forty days in a row! (The first time we did this, Elijah and I commuted to / stayed in Washington, a 90 minute drive away, for forty treatments.)

Please be praying that Elijah's brain function will improve according to what the Lord would have! We're excited about the possibilities.

In other exciting news, my Mom is coming to Idaho in just a few days. She's going to do the therapy with Elijah, too, Lord willing. We hope it will help some of her circulation issues. I am so happy that she's coming!

We'll post some pictures of the contraption in our garage soon...

new home, fun times

I got a gift this weekend - a surprise gift. My globe-trotting brother stopped by for a quick weekend visit. Awesome!!! It was just what I needed, being so far from family.

I'm so proud of my brother (actually, all of my brothers), and he can make me laugh like none other. Thanks for driving those 8 or so extra hours, Jesse! We loved having you here.
The latest and greatest of Elijah's therapy adventures, playing with soggy rice and oatmeal. :)
We had the privilege of watching one of our friend's daughters for the day. Elijah is a little social bug and loves, loves, loves having another kid around the house.

Elijah's learning that he can play the piano if he kicks his legs so he rolls forward on the ball.

"Here, Elijah, play it like this"

We are all moved into "our" new house, which we will rent until it sells or we buy another house...or whatever else the Lord has planned! God has blessed us beyond explanation with this beautiful house to rent, and we are so thankful! It has already provided us numerous opportunities to give God glory in our conversations with friends and neighbors. Praise Him!

bedtime snuggles with our buddy

Here are a few pictures from last night. Apparently Elijah had a little goober on his face, but since I haven't figured out our photoshop program yet, you'll just have to forgive us. :)


The cutest little face in the world!

Elijah's Daddy likes to get wild...it's off to bed with you, Elijah!

Today is moving day for us, so I will probably sign off for a few days. Blessings!

movin' on again

This week is moving week! We need to let you know that God has provided another AMAZING place for us to live (rent). This time it's a brand-new house with 4 bedrooms and 3 baths. We will be paying the same in rent as for our 600 sq foot house. Isn't that pretty cool of the Lord?

I don't really understand it, but we're just gonna thank the Lord for this blessing and enjoy it. Note: our new house is also on the market. Some friends have jokingly suggested that I keep everything messy and definitely don't bake any cookies during showings. (I actually did bake cookies when the buyers of our current house came through - but not because I was trying to impress them. I just needed some cookies in the house!)

We have lots of room for you all to come visit now, ok? Hint, hint!!

All praise to You, Jesus! May we use this blessing for Your glory.

pray with us?

Dear friends, near and far;

Maybe you know us well, or maybe you've just met us a few times - or maybe not at all. We've decided it's time to share something with all of you...a little hope, a little unfulfilled dream we carry around. Up until now, this has been kept very private - only our families and some close friends have known. So are you ready?

Here it is: we'd like you to pray with us that God blesses our family with another baby.

We've been praying about this for what feels like forever...

I remember a good cry/conversation I had with God in the shower when Elijah was about three weeks old, asking God for another baby later on. I think that was my heart aching to feel the things I thought I would experience when I had my first child...instead of the grief that threatened to choke the life out of me then. I wouldn't have been able to handle another child then, as God wisely knew!

Sometimes I think, 'Lord, You've already given me a lot of pain. Do I have to deal with this, too??? Will Elijah be our only child?' Then I am reminded of God's goodness, and that He doesn't see things the way I do! What seems to be painful and hard may be the very thing the Father is using to show me His tender love and care. I just can't see it right now, this side of heaven.

We know that lots of you have experienced the pain of wanting but not having children. Some of you have longed for them your entire lives, but God hasn't answered your prayers in the way you thought He would. We know that so many people have felt this pain and have struggled for much longer than we have. We don't have any answers for the "why's", but we do want to trust God, whether he gives us another child or not.

There. You know our secret. Will you pray with us?

"God gives. God takes. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21b)

I should memorize Uhaul's number...

Here are my two handsome men! I wanted you to see how TALL Elijah is getting. I am a very blessed wife and mom!

Big news: we are moving again, for the second time in less than two months! God blessed us with the opportunity to move to a bigger rental (the house we're in now) a few weeks back. Two days after we moved in, while the boxes were still unpacked, we showed our house to the people who would end up buying it. This house has been on the market for nearly two years, so we find the timing of it all very intriguing, to say the least!

I was so sad when we found out we were moving. I have loved this house and moving here was like a big breath of fresh air - so many things about it are ideal for taking care of Elijah. So, yeah, I'm disappointed. And a little anxious, knowing that we need to be outta' here in less than two weeks and we don't know yet where we're moving TO. But we have seen the Lord work on our behalf too many times to think He's forgotten about us. It does create some anxiety in our hearts, but we know God's going to come through!

Something interesting: I talked to the tenant who just moved into our previous teeny tiny house. She said she had been talking with our "old" landlord about how amazingly coincidental everything was for her to move in. Our "old" landlord, who is also our realtor, told her that 'Todd and Julie have been praying a lot'. So the new tenant asked me to keep her in my prayers about other things, because I 'seemed to have a good connection'. (I told her it was really just that we had a good God.)

When I told Todd about the above conversation, he replied, "Suddenly I don't feel quite so anxious - God's running this show".

So, friends, feel free to watch the show! We'll keep you posted on God's provision for our next house, ok?

adrenaline junkie strikes again

See this adorable smile? It's caused by the thrill of crashing onto the carpet from the sitting position. Elijah's PT (Traci) is encouraging him in this exciting and risky behaviour...awesome!! :) It was so funny to see the big smile on his face each time after he deliberately made himself tip over.
So cute!!! I bet you can't stop yourself from practically kissing your computer monitor.

P.S. Elijah's hair is a work in progess...unfortunately, he is my only guinea pig in learning how to cut hair (without a clippers, that is). So please excuse me while I'm in training!!

Is there such a thing as 'settled'?

We are moved into our new 'gift from God' (rented) house...enjoying all the space, carpets to play on, and lots of closets! We also pretty much have an unobstructed view of the mountains from behind our house. I can't wait for summer, when I'll take my cup of tea to the back porch and congratulate God on the beautiful place He's made. :)

I should say 'maybe-' about that cup of tea on the back porch. We keep reminding ourselves that someone could buy this place at any time; in fact, we have had six showings since we moved in. Another reminder that our affairs on this earth are pretty much just temporary -- 'cause we're not HOME yet! So focus, Julie, on the things that aren't temporary...

I need that reminder! This morning we said good-bye to our dear friends, Aaron and Lindsay, whom we know from the NTM training. They are missionaries in Senegal and just returned on furlough. We had a fabulous visit with them, and I am so glad they could come! Lindsay and I spent some time talking about keeping things simple and how not owning a lot of possessions is easier in many ways. (Keep in mind that she will possibly be returning to a mud-brick home, to live more like the Africans do.)

As we talked, I kept thinking about how refreshing it was to hear Lindsay's perspective...and about how easy it is for me to fixate on all the things I want. A different couch, wall decor, dishes that match...blah, blah, blah. Or that cute denim skirt and little cardi I saw in a catalog a few days ago. Did I mention that I really like that dress from Boden, too?

Todd and I have talked many times about our purpose in life and how we don't want to live for things. The enemy's lies are very cleverly disguised, though. I can live simply (as far as my possessions) but not be content.

So help me, Lord, to live for the true riches...and to remember that all things are Yours.

And with all of that said, here are some more pictures of where we now live!


Elijah is in his new room, trying to take a nap (unsuccessfully!) in his new crib. He likes black and white patterns, so I'm trying to combine them with colorful stuff.

Meet Anne! She plays with/cares for Elijah for about two hours on several days during the week. She works for an agency that provides care services but she is also our good friend - one of the first people we met when we moved to Idaho! Elijah loves Anne, too, and even gives her smiles when she comes over.

Hmmm, I have more pictures but blogger isn't working right today. Maybe later?

Moving Day!

We are SO, SO EXCITED -- we're moving!!!

God's provided a new place for our little family to call home! About a month ago, we were investigating the possiblity of buying a foreclosed-upon home that needed a huge amount of repair. In my humble opinion, we probably would have been better off to burn it and start over! (See above picture -- haha, did you think that was our new house?) In the process of checking this place out, we asked a contractor from our church to take a look at it. (He called it a 'money pit', by the way.)

(The above was the well for the foreclosed-upon home. What would happen if a mouse or small animal were to fall in? I don't want to think about that!)

Then this same contractor called us later on, offering us a beautiful place to rent -- for the same cost as our tiny apartment!!!

Thank you, Lord!

So we are moving this weekend into a gorgeous three-bedroom, two-bath home with a garage and lots of space. It is much more than we would ever have been able to afford to rent or buy in this expensive, resort-type area. So these verses from Colossians 4 are running through my head lately:

"...for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need." (Col. 4: 11b-12)


We thank You, Lord, for providing this new place of "prosperity and abundance" for us, however long it lasts... and help us to learn the secret of contentment, wherever You put us in the future!

SPECT results

Remember me writing about Elijah's brain scans awhile back? He had one before and after the hyperbaric oxygen therapy to see if there would be a difference between the two.

Well, we just met with Elijah's doctor on Monday to hear about the results. We were disappointed to hear that the printed report said there were "no significant changes". (We had been hoping for something dramatic that would astonish the rest of our doctors!) What does that wording mean, anyway? No changes at all, or just nothing "significant"? Apparently the doctor who ordered the brain scans would like someone else to read them. So Elijah's scans are going to be sent to a person who is very specialized in reading SPECT brain scans. Maybe they will have a different opinion, but maybe not.

Our doctor also informed us that there is very little medical data out there for children with microcephaly (essentially, a small head because of a brain that didn't grow; in Elijah's case due to his severe injury). She said that some of the lack of changes in the brain scan could be due to microcephaly.

In any case, we're happy that we've been able to see improvement in Elijah's day-to-day life, and hopefully our skeptical medical friends will be able to see those changes, too!

Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers as we take each day at a time and trust the Lord for what's best for Elijah!

tractors and whomping kindergarteners

Here is Elijah, learning about tractors! This one was a present from Great-grandpa W. Thanks, Grandpa!

My (Julie's) Dad has developed a unique talent over the years of parenting 11 children. Elijah's Grandpa K is known to fall asleep at any time and at any place. He is a hard workin' man and needs his sleep! Well, Elijah appears to have inherited the same talent. The day we took this picture, he had skipped his nap (typical) but was just so tired he fell asleep anyway, even with his hands in the cookie tin he was using for a toy. So cute!

(And yes, he is wearing a bib in this picture...leftover from his supper. He is doing really well with eating semi-solid food now!)

P.S. Tonight, Lord willing, we will be discontinuing Elijah's food through the night using the pump. His dietician thinks he is doing great and could "whomp a kindergartener", in her words! Just so the Grandmas can keep track, he is now 36 lbs., and 37.1 inches long. That puts him in the 90-97th percentile for weight, and 50-75th percentile for height.

We are praising Jesus for these things, because we know that often kids like Elijah have trouble gaining weight and growing.

sweetest sound in the world

If you received our Christmas letter, you know that we have been praying to hear Elijah laugh. Maybe you've joined us in those prayers? Either way, we have some exciting news:

Elijah is now laughing!

You might not recognize it as a laugh...it is just a soft sound like someone exhaling breath a few times...but to us it is the greatest miracle!

A few weeks ago, we discovered that Elijah thinks it is fabulously thrilling to fly high in a blanket being swung between two people. That was the first time we heard his precious laughter. Not only did he laugh, he squealed! It made us really happy to hear those little sounds of communication and to find something that he so obviously loves doing. (Todd now calls him an adrenaline junkie, and if you watch the video below, you'll see why!)

Whenever I get Elijah up in the morning, I make a point of being super excited to see him and giving him lots of kisses and love. Would you believe what happened a few days ago? Melting my heart, he laughed when I kissed him; those little soft sounds of his breath. Does life get any better or sweeter? Not in this world, at least!

And now, for your viewing pleasure, we publish the video below. Todd and his brother, Tytus, are swinging Elijah in a blanket. The funniest thing about this video is probably Tytus laughing, but if you listen close, you'll also hear Elijah squealing at least once! Elijah laughs on here, too, but you can't hear it. And the little "doll" in the corner of the couch is a real baby - Elijah's cousin! Enjoy!

o

cousin time

Elijah's cousins (and their mom and dad) were here on New Year's Day! Here is precious little 'A' taking a snooze on the couch, blissfully oblivious to the wild shenanigans going on around her!

Elijah and his older cousin, 'B', got a little sled ride from Todd. Check out all of our snow!! Unfortunately, Elijah didn't like wet snowflakes falling on his face (can't say that I blame him!) so the sled ride lasted about 3 minutes. At least we got pictures, right?

questions from a little heart

We spent Christmas with friends, some old and some new. It was really an enjoyable day, with lots of children running around and good conversation.

Elijah loves, loves, loves to hear other kids talking and playing. We brought a floor-level chair along for him to sit in so he could be in on the fun.

One little five-year-old girl was especially kind to Elijah (actually all the kids were really sweet). Her mom and I were sitting on the floor in the 'kid room' talking, and this little girl was cuddling in her mom's lap. With a sad look on her face, she asked her mom about Elijah. "Why can't he walk? And why does he have to sit in that chair?"

Blink, blink. Suddenly, I felt about to cry. I guess I didn't want this little girl to think of Elijah as someone to be pitied, so I hid my emotions and launched into my standard "Elijah has a big owie, so that's why he can't walk". But on the inside, the little girl's questions were mirrors of my own.

Why, Lord, why?

Why are the other kids running around tearing up the house, while my little boy can only listen to their rowdy play with a happy look on his face? I don't know. I achingly long for heaven sometimes. I wish I could catch a glimpse, a preview, of what's ahead. Wish I could see my son running through the grass, wild with glee, flinging arms and legs recklessly.

Answers are not something we are promised in this life, at least not answers that always make sense to our human minds. The questions may not go away, but "where He is there is freedom" (paraphrase of 2 Cor. 3:17). And if there are cameras in heaven, you can believe I'll be snappin' lots of pics of Elijah running around when we get there! :)

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from the Harkins!

We celebrate the birth of our Saviour, Christ the Lord!

smiles to warm up your heart!

It may be cold outside, but we have a little boy at our house who brings us joy! Here are a few pictures for you of Elijah enjoying a new activity: "jumping" on the big exercise ball. You can see how much he enjoys it!

It doesn't happen all the time, but occasionally something 'clicks' for Elijah, and he starts to jump for real (i.e. kicking up his own legs). This is where he gets so excited that he wiggles his whole body to the point that it's hard to hold onto him! We have even heard him SQUEAL!!

Here Elijah is supervising the cookie-baking process. Notice he is also guarding the chocolate chips. Todd and Elijah did a good job, because the cookies turned out great! (Don't I have a fabulous husband?)

Christmas cheer

I have to confess that since we moved to Idaho, I haven't done much "interior design". Our house is tiny, and on top of that we are renting. Originally we only planned to be in this place six months, and I didn't want to spend very much on furniture or decor if we were moving in half a year. (We owned a bed and one chair when we moved here! We did break down enough to buy a couch.)

Well, we've been here eight months now...and when I started putting little Christmas touches here and there, I realized that it is just the small things that make a place feel like home. It doesn't need to take a huge chunk of cash to make it cute. It also doesn't have to look like "Pottery Barn".

Some kind friends from church let us cut some evergreens from their property, and with all of that fabulous stuff to work with, I got creative...


This is in the corner of my kitchen. I don't know what the red berries are, but I risked life and limb to get them last Saturday when we were driving in the mountains. Just ask my husband...

You are looking at about half of our living room! I love the way the greenery looks on the windowsills. See the snow falling peacefully outside? The bow-on-the-pillow idea I got from my my friend Shilo's post.

This is Elijah, all cozy on the couch, and all smiles because he just got out of bed.

Here's a picture from last weekend's drive in the back country (home of the red berries).

This is what happens when a small boy decides to skip his nap. Some things just can't be avoided...

P.S. Todd is not nearly as grumpy as he looks!

trekkin' it to the hospital

Today Elijah had his second and hopefully final SPECT scan. This is so we can compare the blood-flow and activity in his brain before and after hyperbaric oxygen therapy. We'll let you know in a few weeks about the results.

Happily, we both kept noticing today that things didn't seem as stressful as they had three months ago for the first scan. (Thank you, Lord!) Elijah was very happy on the way to the hospital even with an empty stomach. Then he responded almost immediately to the oral medication they sedated him with. Last time, he cried and fought sleep for probably 30 minutes. Today he was asleep within 5 -- and SOUND asleep. We were laughing at how fast he went!

The other thing that has a big impact on how much stress we feel is our attitude - whether we keep a sense of humor especially! I am thankful that God helped us in so many ways today just to relax. We even had an awesome conversation with the recovery nurse about the Lord.


Praising you, Jesus, for all your blessings...for giving us a great day in a place we would rather not be. All for Your glory!

done, done, done!!

Elijah and I are finally home after our two-month odyssey. No more traveling, no more living out of a suitcase, no more being separated from my husband! Elijah's 40 hyperbaric oxygen treatments are DONE! It was a terrific feeling to step out of the chamber the last time and think "I don't have to come back here tomorrow".

We're so thankful for the opportunity we had to do this therapy, and we continue to see new (good) things changing for Elijah. I am really happy that his muscles seem to be less tight, and that makes standing and stretching more comfortable. For example, before HBOT, Elijah seemed to equate being in his stander (a device that holds him in an upright position) with torture! Today he spent 15-20 minutes standing without any fussing at all.

I am also so, so excited that Elijah's drooling has nearly stopped! He literally owns a small drawerful of bibs, and before HBOT I probably changed his his soaking-wet bib 5-8 times a day. He hasn't worn a bib for days now (although he drools a tiny bit here and there still). I would really like to take all of those bibs from the drawer, cut them into small pieces and then throw them in the trash with a celebratory whoop, but I convinced myself to wait. I might need them while Elijah learns to handle food.

Another great thing we're noticing is that Elijah's vision seems to be improving; at the very least, he is making more of an attempt to locate us, and seems to be focusing more. Praise the Lord for all of these wonderful improvements!

Yesterday was the last treatment, so today I spent cleaning and unpacking. I am so glad to be...home.

FOUR...

...YEARS!!!

Dear Todd,

I didn't know when I married you all that life would hold (and of course, 'life' has only been four years!), but I do know that you are the best earthly gift God's ever given me. Thanks for pulling me up out of the ditches I get stuck in to see the view - for making me laugh. Thanks for persevering with faithful, commitment-based love during the hard times and for teaching me to do this, too. I'm so grateful for you...I love you and think you are the best!!!

Love, Julie

an acre of land and a mile of heartbreak

Looking for a little piece of land to buy, we pulled into her driveway last Sunday. An acre of land contained an ancient mobile home squatting near the road. Two small children, a girl and a boy, were playing outside and clad in all their winter gear. She came too, when she saw us, carrying a little boy with chicken-pox scabs on his face.

Yes, she was selling. She liked the place, but things hadn't worked out with...'their dad', she said, gesturing to the little girl and boy. Ahhh.

We walked around with them for a bit, trying not to step in the leftovers from the donkey they had just given away. She explained how they drank the (filtered) water from the creek running through, and I looked again at those donkey apples and swallowed.

We had come there straight from church in our "nice" clothes. I noticed the little girl looking at my dress. I wished fiercely that I had worn my raggiest jeans and dirtiest tennis shoes.

Where will you go, we asked, when you sell this place? Oh, she wasn't sure yet, she answered, but maybe back to Oregon to be closer to her mom. And the little children just stood there, their sad, serious faces looking up at us. I could see past her front of confidence to the utter forlorn-ness of this woman and her children, and I wanted to cry.

...

"Thank you, baby, for not leaving me." I whisper the words. It is hours later, and I'm sure I don't make sense. "Thank you for being committed to me." Understanding, and both of us thinking about the little family from earlier, I am wrapped in a strong armed hug. In that hug, I breathe a silent prayer of gratefulness.

Thank you, thank you, Lord...that I am not alone today.

...

please pray that we will faithfully use this 'connection' as an opportunity to share the message of Jesus Christ with this woman - we know He has hope, peace, and joy to give her!

a new life!

This is our beautiful new niece who was all of a few hours old. She was born this past weekend, and we got to meet her while she was 'still new'! We drove to the Seattle area and back in one day - whew - but we would do it again in a heartbeat. There was something so incredibly special about meeting our niece the day she was born. Such a miracle, such a celebration, such a gift!


Seeing her also brought back a lot of memories of Elijah. As Todd said, sometimes we don't realize how much we missed, but holding her made the things we did miss all the more evident.

...


I never held my own child the day he was born. I saw him only twice for just a few moments. I will never forget the first glimpse, because he was limp and purple and dangling like a ragdoll from the doctor's hands. Then he was whisked away and surrounded by scrub-wearing strangers.


The second time I was still in my blood-stained gown and barely able to walk. Somehow I made it to the nursery so I could meet him. There he was, not quite cleaned up, wires all over and hooked up to a respirator. His eyes were closed and he looked very, very sick. He didn't move, except for something that the nurse said was a seizure. However, one little eye opened for a second when he heard his mommy. Todd and I were weeping and trying to sing 'Jesus Loves Me' when the helicopter people came to take him.


In the following days, I could only lean over the clear plastic bed where he lay in the NICU and sob, breathing in his newborn smell. I thought I would be crying for the rest of my life, especially after the doctors told us our child would probably never walk or talk.


Those were some of the memories that came flooding back this weekend. I had a hard time writing them down. I guess some things will always be pretty raw. Pain is somehow beautiful, you know? As much as God has taught me because of Elijah -- and knowing that he is one of the greatest blessings of my life -- I never want to lose the memory of how much those days hurt. Not that I want to dwell or live in a perpetual state of grief, but I want to remember the brokenness.


Sounds like something only a crazy person would write, but I will always be grateful for the intensity of that pain, because it has changed me. It's taken me deeper into Jesus Christ. I know His beauty, I know His comfort. I know a strength that goes beyond the limits of human endurance -- not my own, but God's. And because of that I am looking forward to seeing Him whenever He gets here, or I go there. I'll be runnin' to meet my God...


Come soon, Lord Jesus!


...



Grandma and 2/3rds of her grandkids!

Two sweeter faces could not be found...we praise you, God, for this new baby girl!