helpless one

I went in to check on him before going to bed...and what I found made me sad.

Vomit pooled in little puddles on his face. His eyes and ears were small lakes of vomit, and his hair, pillow, and shirt were covered. Somehow, we hadn't heard him this time, and who knew how long he had been lying there like that. Helpless. Softly crying. Unable to turn his face or roll over so he wouldn't be covered with his own vomit from the reflux he's had his entire life.

Not even able to call out for "mommy".

As I comforted him and washed his face, he stopped crying. But tears formed in my own eyes and I wanted to cry my heart out for my child. "You are so helpless, little son...and so very "undeserving" of a life so hard." It's easy to compare Elijah's life with other two-year-olds, and feel like he got cheated! (Yet who are we to say what a "good" life is?) When it comes down to the bedrock of what we believe, we know that God doesn't lie, and that He works good from bad. Turns what isn't, into what IS. We'll trust You on that one, Lord, even when our hearts ache...when our small boy lies helpless in his vomit.

Thank you, Lord, for all Elijah teaches us...to learn in small ways your compassion. To have my heart moved by his struggles.

"Mom, are you serious - that guy right there is really my uncle?"
Two special friends...

We can tell Elijah's making progress by comparing this photo with any other ones of Elijah with his great-grandpa...he's not crying here! Yay, Elijah!
Heading off to start 'the great hike' to see family history in Montana. This was such a fun day! Todd and I even got to hike together...Todd's mom and a few other ladies stayed with Elijah and we relished our freedom like little kids!

Here we are...this was kinda like a date!

photos for you

Here's a few more photos from our trip...
Elijah loves the evening light (maybe it's easier on his eyes) and here he seems to be looking at the trees against the sky. This was after a full and beautiful day with my family in Wisconsin.
Cousins...taking this picture was funny because "B." kept trying to pull Elijah's hair. Most of the other photos we took have an intervening hand in the middle of the picture.
"Ahhh, I am really enjoying playing with my Dad."
I think we might have a little teaching to do about being nice to girls...
Elijah with his Grandma and Grandpa at the campfire. Long sleeves so the mosquitoes stay away!

fun with the family

Here is our little cowboy in Montana, hitching a ride with Todd's cousin Ogden. Elijah says: "I know he's not holding onto the reins. I'm just gonna sit really still, close my eyes and pray".

This is my Mom, (some of) my sisters, and me. We were getting ready for Natalie's graduation party, thus the mounds of raw vegetables. Lawn tractor rides are somewhat of a tradition in my family. My Grandma used to drive us around her farm in the same wagon. Here is Elijah in the copilot's seat with his uncle Jordan and cousins in Wisconsin.

We are back in beautiful Idaho again. It was a strange feeling to realize as we drove into town that it really is starting to feel like home. All is grace and gift from the Giver!

I am so thankful that we got to see our families and a few special friends. Elijah also did better on this trip than any previous one. We even had a few relaxing hours in the car where Elijah wasn't crying! That is AMAZING!! I felt like I was in a dream...just enjoying the scenery from the passenger window with a happy child in the backseat and a dear husband beside me. A blessing, I tell you!!

If you can't guess, most of our previous travels across the country have been endurance events. Elijah would cry for the entire time in his carseat, never sleep, and nothing we tried would distract or comfort him. As a mom, it is miserable to listen to your baby cry his heart out for that long. Of course, we knew that Elijah's fussiness was due to his brain injury, but I would feel (as I have often felt) so frustrated at my inability to calm my own child...and so incredibly exasperated by the lack of "reason" for his crying.

Thankfully, God is helping Elijah improve...and we are enjoy the little times to relax when we get them!

More pics and stories to come!

family - how we love them

This is a short hello to let you know things are ok with us - we're on a trip visiting both sides of our family. It's been wonderful and a lot of fun. We'll post some pictures when we get home. In the meantime, it's all about being together!

P.S. Elijah recovered and his lungs are just fine. We are thankful!