I've been away...visiting my family and seeing good friends in other parts. I'm thankful for a totally wonderful time, good conversations and the catching up I got to do. You'll probably see some pictures soon.
I don't know which of the three of us was happiest to be reunited after the time apart (Todd came home after my brother's wedding...I got to stay). Missing Todd is like not being able to breathe quite right - life just isn't as good!
One of the things we've done since coming home was take Elijah to a pediatric eye doctor. This was the first time since his initial visit at about three months old. At that time, the doctor told us that his optic nerve was intact and healthy, but that his damaged brain couldn't interpret the info from the eyes. His opinion was that Elijah couldn't see a thing. We knew that Elijah WAS seeing at least light and dark, so we decided to hope for the best and perhaps his vision would improve with time.
This week, the doctor told us that his optic nerve doesn't look healthy, most likely as a result of the brain injury. That explains why his pupils don't constrict with light. That was new information for us. Her opinion was that his vision is probably minimal, due to his damaged optic nerve and the damage to the brain itself.
Our mood was a bit sad when we left the doctor's office. We've known for a long time that Elijah's vision wasn't normal, but we haven't known the extent of it. Todd stopped to look out at a huge picture window on the fifth floor of the hospital. His voice cracked when he said 'i've always loved telling Elijah to look at different things...the train, the lake, the dog.'
I have realized before that this journey we're on is going to have multiple places of grief along the way. Ache, hurt, pain...not new here. I want to ask, Lord, why can't he at least see? I mean, how hard is that for you?
I have to rest again on the soft pillow of God's sovereignty...He knows, He cares, He loves, He will come for us - soon. And Elijah might see God's face as His very first sight, when He comes for His kids. I think that might just possibly be worth the wait!
7 comments:
Hi Julie...I found your blog from Kristina Duran's. I'm sorry to hear about Elijah's eyesight. I know that would be a hard thing to handle and I will be praying for you guys. Thanks for letting me hang out a little with you guys at the Boyd's house!(even if I invited myself over...) ;)
Julie and Todd...our prayers are with you. I ask God many questions regarding little Elijah. Why is a big question. I think about him often when we visit parks. I found another one in New Orleans City park that had an entire handicapped playground joined with the traditional one. It was complete with ramps and special swings...super! I pray often that God will help you and give you courage. With Love and Hugs!
Also, I'm going to buy that Book North or be Eaten. You are very convincing!
Hi there Julie. I have commented a time or two before and have once again been deeply moved by your post. I am the one with two special needs children (my only children) ages six and four. They are neurologically impaired and nonverbal. Though they do walk and see, they cannot speak. Like you, we dwell near constantly on the Sovereignty of our Lord and the Day of His glourious returning. Christ's return is tremendously more precious to us than the average believer, it seems. We pray He is quick in His coming for it means healing for our children and rest for our heavy hearts. I am praying for you Julie, and Todd, too, as I am sure this is not what he had imagined for him first born son. Little boys are especially precious to their daddys and it has been such an amazing thing to see my husband meet my son where he is at in his development. At the end of each day we mark it as one more closer to when our family will be whole. Praying, praying for you as you process this news...
Tracy
Hi Julie,
My husband and I are NTM missionaries in Indonesia and were in the training when your little Elijah was born... a friend told us about you as we had our own first son, also named Elijah, about the same time. I have been praying for you and following your blog since and I am continually challenged by your faith and trust in God's goodness and sovereignty... thank you for being transparent in your brokenness so others can be encouraged. Though I cry for you and your sweet baby, I think of what an awesome opportunity you have to experience God's grace and goodness in ways that so many people never will. We lost a baby last year, during our first year on the field, and though I would not want to relive that experience ever, I think of how much I learned of God's gentleness during that time and am thankful for the lessons I learned.
So I just encourage you as you work through this newest challenge to cling tightly to the Lord and know we are praying for you.
Your sister in Christ, Emily
HI Julie!!
Thank you for sharing your most recent lesson from the Lord, an opportunity to glorify God's perfect plan, or not...I am so thankful for YOU and your heart as you are honest with how hard it is to hear discouraging words from a doctor, but that you don't stay there, wallowing, you KNOW and rest in the fact of God's sovereignty!! I admire you and love you so much....I am SO sad that I missed your call, know that I hope to have the chance to call you soon!! Finding good talk time when it is quiet can be difficult, but that doesn't mean I don't want to!!
I was hard to hear specifics with Ezra's eyesight too....but we still have our kiddos show him things and include him in what we are all seeing....so, tell Todd to keep telling Elijah about those trains and such...it can be discouraging, but keep up the amazing love and work you both do for your son...you gift.
Blessings my friend,
Liz
oh Julie....
I think your husband should still continue to tell Elijah about the things he sees.....
Such an excersise in faith...
I eagerly await your posts. You live out Phil 4:8 so beautifully.
What gift Elijah is! Just because he cannot see doesn't mean he can't *feel*, which in turn he will be able to *see*. I hope that makes sense.
Sending love...andrea
I am sorry for your sadness. All I know is that Elijah sees with his heart. The brief time I spent with him I could see that you have taught him how to love. He responded with joy to my touch and my voice. When I was in a place where I was afraid of judgement, he had none. He was a joy to be with. You two are fine parents!
Love, Aunt Julie
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