swingin' and spreading grace

Play time for Elijah...he was so happy in this picture and was holding onto a rattle - he even shook it a time or two. Yay, Elijah!
Here's some more pictures of Elijah swinging! It is so good (for us and him) to know of something he likes. The last time Todd was swinging him, he was probably as "excited" as we've ever seen him be able to express -- smiling big smiles and kicking his legs / moving his arms like crazy whenever Todd pushed him. It was so fun for us to see his reactions and the obvious "more, please, Daddy"!

The neighbors have confessed that they watch out their windows whenever they see Elijah flying through the air. He swings from a very high tree branch, so Todd can really launch him. :)

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I am pushing my small, curly-haired boy in a wheelchair through the store. He is crying in short bursts and it doesn't quite sound "normal". His head tilts a little to the left. I feel so vulnerable and so afraid of being pitied.

Some people pretend that we don't exist, looking past. Some move out of the way, giving us exaggerated clearance as if we needed most of the aisle. Two younger kids, pushing their mom's cart, stop and look with wide eyes. Their mother hisses at them to stop staring. A couple expecting a baby look with apparent distaste at Elijah and turn their backs to us.

Lord, help my heart...help me. I feel so alone, so awkward in this new world. Help me to spread grace lavishly on those who hurt me, who feel uncomfortable with our different-ness.

A girl says to her mother, "Mom, look at that cute little baby!" and the icicles in my heart start to melt.

we love our days together

(My talented brother, Jesse, took these photos of Elijah. I love them. They're from a few weeks ago, BEFORE Elijah's haircut.)

Things are starting to get into a routine here.

Todd goes to work early, then Elijah and I have the day together. Usually we manage to include a walk (Elijah in his 'kidcart') to the grocery store, the thrift store, or one of the little shops downtown. This is primarily for my entertainment and sanity, but Elijah loves getting outside. In fact, he is a stinker sometimes, and cries when we walk into a store, then stops when he's back outside. Elijah's favorite part of our outings is the sunshine and going over all the bumps in the sidewalk. My favorite part is seeing the little happy look on his face!

We also have therapy and other Elijah-related visits several times a week. We are so blessed to live within walking distance of the hospital. Another blessing is that the physical therapist here (who has her own practice) can do "hippo therapy" with Elijah (therapy using horses) when he turns two! It's amazing that such a small town would have that type of therapy available.

Thank you, Lord!

Elijah's finally settled into a somewhat regular naptime of one hour in the afternoon. I'm usually SO ready for a little break!

When Todd comes home, Elijah and I are really happy to see him! We miss him during the day!

Elijah's latest fun thing is to explore stuff with his mouth. He can't use his own hands to bring things to his face, so we have to help him do that, but it's so cute to see him interested and enjoying a toy or a taste. Today he liked chewing on a piece of dried mango.

goodbye, auntie Kallia

I am not very happy about my auntie Kallia leaving today. She's been spoiling me ever since she got here. She also holds me a lot, and I like that.
This is my auntie doing her first rock-climbing. Way to go, auntie!
Me and auntie Kallia, just chillin'. I've got my arm around her to let everybody know she's mine.

Thank you for coming to help us move, Kallia! We already miss you so much and we love you!!

eyes of faith

I talk to you and your face becomes alert, looking for the mommy you love. Your big blue eyes search in the direction of my voice. I long for you to connect...breathing a prayer that you might see me, could take in the love that floods my heart for you. Searching and seeing nothing, the moment passes. Heart chokes, eyes sting...love wells up and aches deep inside.

"How I wish, Father, that my child could see me. Could meet my eyes and connect. Is this best, Father? Is this really best? I can't understand Your ways!

Let me see You, Father, the One whose face is full of love for me. Let me see Your face in this."