I went in to check on him before going to bed...and what I found made me sad.
Vomit pooled in little puddles on his face. His eyes and ears were small lakes of vomit, and his hair, pillow, and shirt were covered. Somehow, we hadn't heard him this time, and who knew how long he had been lying there like that. Helpless. Softly crying. Unable to turn his face or roll over so he wouldn't be covered with his own vomit from the reflux he's had his entire life.
Not even able to call out for "mommy".
As I comforted him and washed his face, he stopped crying. But tears formed in my own eyes and I wanted to cry my heart out for my child. "You are so helpless, little son...and so very "undeserving" of a life so hard." It's easy to compare Elijah's life with other two-year-olds, and feel like he got cheated! (Yet who are we to say what a "good" life is?) When it comes down to the bedrock of what we believe, we know that God doesn't lie, and that He works good from bad. Turns what isn't, into what IS. We'll trust You on that one, Lord, even when our hearts ache...when our small boy lies helpless in his vomit.
Thank you, Lord, for all Elijah teaches us...to learn in small ways your compassion. To have my heart moved by his struggles.
6 comments:
Julie,
Thank you for sharing your heart in this, tender and broken as it may be. may God's grace be with you.
Manda
Thank you Julie, we love you. One step at a time sister. Thanks for letting us share your pain and tears with you.
oh, julie...my heart was moved as well. tears sprang to my eyes and i prayed an image of God covering, strengthening, and holding both you and elijah. thankyou, again for letting so many of us hear your heart...
Dearest Julie,
I don't know if you remember me, (David and I went to school with you at the LI), but I found your blog and have been catching up with how He has been leading you in this life. Julie, when I read this post, my heart ached for you, and your little precious darling. Yet at the same time, my heart was full of thankfulness, that precious little Elijah has such a caring and loving mommy and daddy. I've seen many helpless children, lying in cold, lonely beds in orphanages, where no one would so lovingly clean them up like you did Elijah. Your little boy is SO blessed to have been given to you. Julie, I will keep you, Todd, and Elijah in my 'thoughts'. May you find your daily strength and encouragement in Him.
Love you friend,
Christy (Zook) S.
HI my sweet friend...
I have also walked into that same sad and humbling situation before...so tears came to my eyes, as I can relate with you and pray specifically for you.
God continually is using our sweet little men for HIS glory and to teach us so much as mommys, huh? :)
I am so thankful for you and will be praying for you...
Elijah is extremely BLESSED to have a mommy who loves him and cares so deeply for him...I love you my friend.
Liz
Julie,
Everytime I read here I am blessed. God is using you and your son tremendously. I thank you for your perspectives.
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