I would like very much to pick out my little boy's "coming home from the hospital" clothes, but I can't yet. I'm afraid. I want to start planning the nursery decor for him, choosing bedding and buying a crib, but I can't quite do those things either. To be sure, it is a total joy to feel our baby jumpin' around inside me; to hear the heartbeat, to even think of his sweetness and newborn smell. A gift!!! So my conversations with the Lord go something like this lately:
Is it really happening, Lord? Will this child be healthy? Will he be able to see my face...will he actually respond to my voice? Or will I be faced with another life-altering conversation with a panel of doctors bearing bad news? I really, really can't face that thought; every part of me wants to crumble into a million pieces.
I rest in the fact that you, Lord, are trustworthy. So I will trust you, and not be afraid.
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"
8 comments:
Hey there, praying for you during the ups and downs. It must be so scary but so exciting at the same time. Praying that God gives you the joy AND peace through every step.
oh, Julie. My mom and I shed some tears as we read your blog today. Praying for you.
My advice...get the outfit for the baby and plan. You will be energized doing it!! Love you lots and lots!
Todd & Julie - I'm praying for a healthy baby and healthy delivery for you. It's a comfort to know that God knows exactly what is going to happen - nothing is a surprise to Him. Embrace the baby and all that goes with him knowing that he is EXACTLY who God has planned for you. I'll pray specifically for peace for you and comfort knowing God is in control.
I know what you mean, I felt many of those feelings when we were finally pregnant with Abigail.... we trusted God would carry us through whatever He allowed, but honestly, I kind of feared what He might allow. I'm praying for you friend!
I'm crying for you right now, but I totally understand your fear. Not that I've ever even had a baby or gone through anything like you have, but I feel most of my life I am afraid to let myself get excited about anything for fear it'll be pulled from my grasp. For you, though, losing this dream would be much more devastating than anything I've ever lost.
So, I'm praying everything progresses as it should and that God gives you peace and courage to buy that little outfit. And since you wrote this note 3 weeks ago, maybe you've already been able to make this GIANT step! :-)
Todd & Julie~ Congratulations on your blessing from God! We're praying that God will help calm your anxious hearts so you can celebrate the great joy of your new child. God's blessing to all of you. Love, The Logtermans
I miss you, my friend... wish we were closer..
My dear sweet friend....I know your heart in your thoughts....praying for PEACE and JOY as you finish your pregnancy with your sweet son. Treasure every moment, enjoy all the preperation of welcoming him into the world. I think of you often and pray for you.....EXCITED for you! How I wish we could visit for hours upon hours....one day :)
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