winds of change

Last Friday, Todd was offered a job at an aviation company. After quite a weekend of talking and praying, we called Monday to let them know we were interested but had a few additional requests. We're still waiting to hear...

Although we know it's not final yet, it feels like an enormous change is in the wind. We're so thankful for the peace of God that guards our hearts and minds, knowing that as we 'make' the decisions, God is the One guiding our paths.

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I was reading through some of the therapist's reports from a recent clinic Elijah attended, and something caught my eye. She listed him as Level 5, which is the lowest grading level for cerebral palsy and means that, statistically speaking, he will not ever crawl, walk, or be able to move himself around in any way. Somehow I had hoped (and still do) for a miracle in that area. God knows the ache our hearts carry around every day, and he knows the physical aches we feel as we care for our sweet boy who is just starting out on this journey. Still, He says these things - these aches - are "light and momentary" and are achieving for us "an eternal glory that far outweighs them all". So we are to focus not on what is seen (an impossibly heavy burden), but what is unseen and eternal.

Help me, help me, Lord, when I feel like I'm drownin'. Help me when discouragement threatens to choke my heart. It's just about today, right, Lord? Trusting You for today. I don't have to walk the paths ahead until we get there. You'll be there then, just like You are now, carrying my aching heart and body, lifting the burdens that are too heavy.

Thank you for the unseen, the eternal glory coming up ahead. How my heart longs to make a run for that day! When are you coming for us, Lord?

sweet baby kisses

Tonight, sitting in Todd's parent's living room, I kissed his soft, round cheek. That little person turned his face suddenly to mine, and his mouth opened to give me a sweet, wet kiss. I can not think of many moments in life that I would like to remember more. I am so blessed to have Elijah, who is calmed just by my whisper, who, unable to speak a word, simply sighs his pleasure when I pick him up.

He is teething now, and one cheek is hot and red. The last few nights have been extra hard, so I'm guessing that is the reason. I'm so glad adults don't get new teeth in every few weeks!

We're having such a wonderful time in Montana. When you live in a remote place, far from busy shopping malls and Walmarts, it seems easier to remember what really matters, to be content with what you have, and to savour the quiet things in life. Todd's been working in the woods a lot, cutting firewood and burning brush (to reduce the chance of a forest fire later). I've gone out to help him when Elijah naps or when Todd's Mom has watched him.

We just returned yesterday from three days in Billings. I got to stay with Todd's aunt and uncle, and he was flown out from there by an aviation company for an interview. Just another step in the process of finding what the Lord would have for us next! We know a lot of people have been praying for us in this, and we are so grateful!

On a different note, I have been thinking a lot about how people (and specifically, myself) define themselves. It seems to me that often I want to set myself apart from other people because of my appearance; to look more hip, prettier, more outdoorsy - whatever - than everyone else who happens to be in my frame of reference. You could say that I value myself or others more when I think they look beautiful or handsome. Granted, I realize that it is God who gives beauty, thus beauty is a good thing. I am just convicted that I am measuring myself and other people by a comparison standard that is not God's. Teach me, Lord, to have a heart that pleases You, because You see what I really am. Forgive me for the ugliness of pride, for putting too much importance on this earthly, aging shell. Teach me to value what you hold highly, like a heart that is pure and lovely.

home

Montana...the sweeping prairies, rugged buttes and pine forests here are all balm for my soul. Thank you, Father, for this wild beauty you have crafted. We love being here.

As much as I am enormously thankful for the people that have opened their hearts and homes to us for the past few months (my Grandma and now Todd's parents), I am starting to feel a little homesick for our own home. We're not sure where that will be next. I can't even run ahead in my thoughts imagining where the green rug or the little table will go.

Psalm 90:1 "Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations". What a comfort. The God of the Ages is our dwelling place; constant, secure, changeless. When I am tempted to measure security by a home or possessions here on this temporary earth, remind me, Lord, of my true heart's rest - You.