FOUR...

...YEARS!!!

Dear Todd,

I didn't know when I married you all that life would hold (and of course, 'life' has only been four years!), but I do know that you are the best earthly gift God's ever given me. Thanks for pulling me up out of the ditches I get stuck in to see the view - for making me laugh. Thanks for persevering with faithful, commitment-based love during the hard times and for teaching me to do this, too. I'm so grateful for you...I love you and think you are the best!!!

Love, Julie

an acre of land and a mile of heartbreak

Looking for a little piece of land to buy, we pulled into her driveway last Sunday. An acre of land contained an ancient mobile home squatting near the road. Two small children, a girl and a boy, were playing outside and clad in all their winter gear. She came too, when she saw us, carrying a little boy with chicken-pox scabs on his face.

Yes, she was selling. She liked the place, but things hadn't worked out with...'their dad', she said, gesturing to the little girl and boy. Ahhh.

We walked around with them for a bit, trying not to step in the leftovers from the donkey they had just given away. She explained how they drank the (filtered) water from the creek running through, and I looked again at those donkey apples and swallowed.

We had come there straight from church in our "nice" clothes. I noticed the little girl looking at my dress. I wished fiercely that I had worn my raggiest jeans and dirtiest tennis shoes.

Where will you go, we asked, when you sell this place? Oh, she wasn't sure yet, she answered, but maybe back to Oregon to be closer to her mom. And the little children just stood there, their sad, serious faces looking up at us. I could see past her front of confidence to the utter forlorn-ness of this woman and her children, and I wanted to cry.

...

"Thank you, baby, for not leaving me." I whisper the words. It is hours later, and I'm sure I don't make sense. "Thank you for being committed to me." Understanding, and both of us thinking about the little family from earlier, I am wrapped in a strong armed hug. In that hug, I breathe a silent prayer of gratefulness.

Thank you, thank you, Lord...that I am not alone today.

...

please pray that we will faithfully use this 'connection' as an opportunity to share the message of Jesus Christ with this woman - we know He has hope, peace, and joy to give her!

a new life!

This is our beautiful new niece who was all of a few hours old. She was born this past weekend, and we got to meet her while she was 'still new'! We drove to the Seattle area and back in one day - whew - but we would do it again in a heartbeat. There was something so incredibly special about meeting our niece the day she was born. Such a miracle, such a celebration, such a gift!


Seeing her also brought back a lot of memories of Elijah. As Todd said, sometimes we don't realize how much we missed, but holding her made the things we did miss all the more evident.

...


I never held my own child the day he was born. I saw him only twice for just a few moments. I will never forget the first glimpse, because he was limp and purple and dangling like a ragdoll from the doctor's hands. Then he was whisked away and surrounded by scrub-wearing strangers.


The second time I was still in my blood-stained gown and barely able to walk. Somehow I made it to the nursery so I could meet him. There he was, not quite cleaned up, wires all over and hooked up to a respirator. His eyes were closed and he looked very, very sick. He didn't move, except for something that the nurse said was a seizure. However, one little eye opened for a second when he heard his mommy. Todd and I were weeping and trying to sing 'Jesus Loves Me' when the helicopter people came to take him.


In the following days, I could only lean over the clear plastic bed where he lay in the NICU and sob, breathing in his newborn smell. I thought I would be crying for the rest of my life, especially after the doctors told us our child would probably never walk or talk.


Those were some of the memories that came flooding back this weekend. I had a hard time writing them down. I guess some things will always be pretty raw. Pain is somehow beautiful, you know? As much as God has taught me because of Elijah -- and knowing that he is one of the greatest blessings of my life -- I never want to lose the memory of how much those days hurt. Not that I want to dwell or live in a perpetual state of grief, but I want to remember the brokenness.


Sounds like something only a crazy person would write, but I will always be grateful for the intensity of that pain, because it has changed me. It's taken me deeper into Jesus Christ. I know His beauty, I know His comfort. I know a strength that goes beyond the limits of human endurance -- not my own, but God's. And because of that I am looking forward to seeing Him whenever He gets here, or I go there. I'll be runnin' to meet my God...


Come soon, Lord Jesus!


...



Grandma and 2/3rds of her grandkids!

Two sweeter faces could not be found...we praise you, God, for this new baby girl!

then there were three...

Here are some recent pictures that Todd's mom took on a Sunday afternoon...there were probably at least 30 pictures and this is the only one I like! We did have a blast laughing, though. If you know my hilarious husband, you can appreciate that.

I love, love, love that Elijah is looking at the camera in this shot! Pretty unusual, so I guess Grandma must have done a good job on the 'crazy grandma antics' as she clicked the shutter!

Me and my boy...

The men of the household! Elijah seems to be developing an Elvis-smile...I think that little crooked smile is adorable (on Elijah, at least)!

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Thought we'd fill you on Elijah's therapy: today we finished #23 of 40. So we are past the half-way point, where the doctor said we would probably start seeing some changes. We are seeing good things so far, but it is too early to know whether they're here to stay!

So far, Elijah:
- is drooling less
- is having fewer seizures
- has more "happy times"
- was happy in his car seat for 90 minutes (a first in his life)
- seems more alert
- seems to be 'tracking' more with his eyes

"I'm praising you, Lord, for these GIFTS!"

a smile from my son...

We have it down to a routine, these past few weeks...

Drive to the hyperbaric clinic, take Elijah out of the car and put him in his chair. Wheel inside and head for the dressing room. Change clothes, change diaper, give Elijah a snack through his g-tube. 'Hurry, have him ready to go by 11:30.'

Then one day last week, in the midst of all the hurry and preparation, I stopped everything. Because there on the changing table, my little boy looked at me. Not just in my direction but eye to eye. That alone was miracle enough, but then...

he smiled at me.

Tears spilled while I talked to my son, drinking in that precious moment, holding his eyes as long as it lasted.