Oh my friends, I am struggling a bit today. God is stretching me - exposing parts of my heart in places that hurt.
As is probably the case with any of our earthly struggles, it's not difficult to find others whose lives seem easier. I find that is the case with me, time and again. How I need God's grace to not compare, but to embrace. To hope, to trust, to accept.
Being around other moms with small children often means pain for me. I love babies. Babies have tricks, they smile and laugh and babble. Of course, I can't help but notice the differences between them and my own sweet little guy. It's also hard to see other babies getting passed around, tickled, and played with, while Elijah sits quietly (or not so quietly) in my lap. Granted, I am probably over-protective, and it might be intimidating to hold a special-needs child. I just wish it was easier for Elijah to be enjoyed. "Show mercy, Julie, on those who don't understand. You wouldn't have understood before, either. Just love; love them, and love your little boy."
So here we are, another few steps down the path God has laid out for us. Step, step...TRUST.
7 comments:
dear friend.....I KNOW your heart and still feel that way....I am praying for you even now....
like you wrote, it truly IS a whole new world and having GRACE towards those who seem so scared, ONLY comes from God, cause it is sooo hard...but God grows us in those times of actually training others that our little guys won't break and that they NEED love and snuggles too!!!
I LOVE you sooooo very much and so wish to hug you right now!!! We ARE on a journey, but how great to rest in WHO leads us...have your moments, work through them, know that you are prayed for during them...
I just read your comment and as far as tips, well, Ezzy was sitting in his "kid cart" which is like an infant wheelchair, it keeps his back straight and upright, Gabby wanted him to hold her guitar...so for tips, can you get any special equipment there in the Philippines for Elijah?? Some things that will have him experience his world all around him??
OK, this is getting long :)
KNOW that I LOVE YOU and am here for you.....any time!!!!
Lizy
hey julie,
i was just thinking of you tonight. i saw a lady in safeway that looked so much like you i had to walk up close just to make sure! thankyou for sharing your heart a little. i want to learn and want you to feel free to be honest and "teach" to enjoy Elijah. i see God deepening your understanding about Real Love, and it is beautiful, even though it is often mixed with pain. I want you to know we love Elijah so much. He is so precious. i miss you! Love and prayers, Cathi
My dear sister, my heart aches reading this. Elijah has been especially present in my mind the past few weeks, more than usual. I believe God is getting ready to do something really special beyond what our minds can comprehend with your precious son. I wish you were closer as there are many of us who would play with and love on Elijah and see him for the miracle that he is. I'll be praying for your heart my dear.
Julie, I am in tears right now thinking of you, and wishing I was able to run to you and give you a hug and be there for you like you have for me so much in the past. As Janna said, Elijah has been on my heart a lot over the past few weeks as well, I want you to know that he is a joy and a blessing to me, I love you so much and appreciate you being so real with us. Many would "grin and bear it" without saying how hard it really is, but you have the guts to reveal how difficult it really is for you. I love you, this is me hugging you! XXXXXXX! Vanessa
Hi friend-
I know you are learning beautiful lessons through this experience. I know it must be difficult, but God's grace covers immensely.
You are the perfect mama for this little one! IT is so apparant to me, and I don't even know you! *smile* You are so blessed!!The Lord is holding you safe in His hands, and His ways are good and right. Bless you for trusting and obeying. I am praying for you today.
Julie,
Hi! I really don't know what I can say to you... I love you dearly and we are praying for you and your family. Katrina prays for Elijah every night, by name. We say the names of all her friends and she repeats them. If you could hear her say your sweet boy's name...
I have similar thoughts often about others having it "easier" than I do with our situation. Now the Lord has two of our little ones with Him and it is tough, but I have to keep trusting His plan to perfect me is good. It hurts terribly, but, well, there are no buts. It hurts terribly.
I love you, Julie Harkins.
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